3:14am October 22, 2014

Tomorrow (today, really) I get my port inserted.

I am afraid of complications, of course.

But I am also overjoyed. I had to get blood work drawn today. They had real trouble finding a vein for a measly little blood draw.

If the port works, I may never have to deal with multiple sticks, IVs that infiltrate every few frigging hours, long debates about whether to put in a PICC line or just torture me by trying to find veins that never work in the end, not getting vital meds because they can’t find a vein and the IV nurse can take twelve hours to show up, and all the other joys of living with my veins.

I know the risks. But I can’t help feeling joy and relief above all else. If this works… Just please, whatever gods are listening, let it work with no complications. Because I want this so badly after so many hospital stays where I was covered in bruises from blown veins and full of pain from people trying to push meds through infiltrated veins while telling me I was just “tender”. As if I can’t tell the difference between a tender vein and a vein about to infiltrate.

So just please let this work. IV nurses have been telling me to get one for years. I want it to work so badly it almost hurts.