9:12pm November 18, 2014

“

        There was another reason for me disliking school.   Art projects.  Teachers did not really know whtt to do with me throughout my day.  So they gave me markers and papers and crayons and all that junk to make a Picasso out of me, if they wanted me to be one at all, or to try to keep me occupied.

        I must admit that I cannot draw beyond stick figures.   Every time I tried drawing something, i would get so embarrassed.  I had no mental model or map in my mind, and did not really know what I was drawing.  And when teachers tried to be dishonest about it by praising me with a “Good job,” I was more humiliated.  Do they not know that I have two books published and one translated into German?

        Why didn’t I tell them? The answer is not simple.  I wish I could initiate my wishes more than I could initiate my impulses.  I wish I could write and communicate in every circumstance, no matter what it is.  But if I could do all that I certainly would have something other than autism.

        After hearing that annoying singsong “Good job!” I had a sudden gush of anger.   I grabbed my own shirt by the collar and ripped off lall my buttons.   My aide, Arnel, had to staple them back on for the rest of the day.  

        I had more rage attacks in school, and my shirts had the same destiny.  I had one just before entering the classroom.   I was standing at the head of the queue of students, who were all waiting to enter the classroom.   The moment I opened the door, there was a most annoying chorus of “Good  job!” not only from the teacher but from those half-educated teachers assistants who don’t even know who Byron or Shelley was, and who believe that every act of a student needed to be Amen-ed by a “Good job.”

”

-Tito Rajarshi Mukkopadhyay, How Can I Talk If My Lips Don’t Move?  Inside My Autistic Mind

I’ve written so much about this sing-song “Good job!” bullshit, including a poem I rather like (but don’t have memorized, so can’t post it yet. And that part about not being able to communicate in all circumstances is something I wish more people understood. I’ve tried to write about it but it’s hard.

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