2:32am November 20, 2014

I say I am no longer afraid of the dark.

But I question now whether I ever really was.

In my last apartment, I seemed to be afraid of the dark.

When all the lights were out, I was frightened.

But I was not frightened of the dark in all places.

Just that apartment, and some other apartments and houses.

Not usually outside except in really specific places.

When your fear of the dark is specific to a place or set of places, are you afraid of the dark, or are you afraid of some unnameable thing that you happen to associate both with that place and with darkness?

Normally I actually like darkness. It’s easier on my senses, I have good night vision, everything changes in a pleasant way, and I get nostalgic about all those walks I used to take at night with my brother. (Even if we did sometimes steal money out of water fountains to buy Taco Bell food with. What? I was a kid, I didn’t know better.) We’d sometimes go out to a park and put on a tape of the Cocteau Twins and dance around where nobody could see us.

That’s what I remember of the dark. Beauty.

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