2:35am December 20, 2014

Shout out to those alone on the holidays…

Whether it’s solstice, Christmas, Hanukkah (which is not a major Jewish holiday, but it’s still been pulled into the American “holiday season”), Kwanzaa, some combination withof these holidays, or lesser-known winter holidays, you can’t go through December in the USA without it being abundantly clear that most Americans, especially but not limited to Christians, consider this the major holiday season ofvthe year. Probably because of the combination of the dominance of Christianity, combined with the fact that people have always had holidays in midwinter when the light it’s at its lowest, holidays hoping for the return of the light. And just like Easter, Christmas retains some of its Pagan roots surprisingly well (though not everything attributed to Paganism during Christmas, actually is).

Anyway, a lot of people find it depressing to spend the holidays alone, especially because there is no one to share the rituals with, whether that’s a feast, the lighting of candles, putting up a tree or lights. These are things people normally do with family or close friends.

I’m used to spending the holidays alone and it doesn’t bother me. One of my brothers decided to stop celebrating Christmas altogether. I think the other one celebrates it, usually on his own. As for me, I find the solstice more meaningful meaningful than Christmas, and am what some pestle would classify as Pagan, but I still try to celebrate a genetic “holiday season” with those of my family who still celebrate.

I’ve just ordered a gift for my mother. I might post the photo from Amazon, once she unwraps it. I hope it will be helpful too her given everything that happened this year.

I worry about her. I think this may be her first holiday season alone in her life. She’s almost 70. She met my dad at age 15 when my uncle (his college roommate) forgot his keys and she answered the door in curlers. . It was love at first sight according to her – just meeting him made get toes curl. They stayed up late into the night talking about anything and everything. Soon they were engaged, but her parents didn’t approve of a 20-year-old man sweeping a 15-year-old girl of her feet. They made her wait till the end of high school before they got married. And they’ve been married ever since, and now it’s three grown kids and one widowing later.

And now she’s in a small house up a remote mountain with no nearby friends, having to take care of the house despite myasthenia gravis and autonomic and sensory neuropathy. And dealing with the death of her husband / soulmate / best friend all in one. I worry about her.

And I know this time of year can be particularly lonely when you have nobody nearby. Right now the cleft thing I’ve got is a friend who sometimes invites me to Vilija (an elaborate Slovak Christmas Eve dinner with tons of symbolism), and makes me Southern food on the New Year so I have something familiar to chew and spit out. (I still can’t get over the weird stuff they call cornbread in New England. It’s sweetened(!) So it tastes more like a corn-based came than cornbread. But give me my dad’s recipe for cornbread and I’m in danger of eating it all. Once I truly finish my ancestor shrine, my first offering to my father will be homemade cornbread. The real stuff.)

So to anyone out there alone on the holidays, I want you to know I care. And so do other people. I wish I hat a teleporter so I could visit y'all. But one thing that has helped Mr is knowing I’m never alone. I’m surrounded by objects, and fyi me objects are alive. I don’t call my rocks “rock friends” to be cute, that’s really how I see them. Around objects I am never alone. It’s not the same as having my father back but it’s still better than total isolation

Anyway, shout out to those who are alone on the holidays, and I hope you can find ways to be social, even if it’s online, even if it’s just with a big hunk of granite.