1:37am January 9, 2015

"No one will ever love you."

Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that. Ever. They’re full of shit and they’re trying to hit a nerve – they assume ugly people will find it especially hard to cope with being told this. Which is why that anon hate I got before ended with something like “Nobody will ever love you”

I don’t think they got the response they wanted.

I laughed.

If they meant romantic love, I’ve been in a relationship with a guy, and one with a woman.

If they meant other kinds of love… I see people treating me with love all the time. Someone even responded to the anon hate by asking me if they could give me anon love to counteract it. I have friends, not many, but more than I ever had before. I have one extremely intimate friendship – loving but not in a sexual or romantic way – that means the world to me. I love people I’ve never even met, people from tumblr, people from other places online.

But this has also shown me that something has changed, because there’s a time I would have been devastated by those words, and this time I could only think “Wow is this person being phenomenally stupid in their choices of insults.”

But I’m surrounded by people who love me, sometimes more than I think I deserve. Without the loving actions of a lot of people, including some complete strangers, I wouldn’t have my feeding tube, and therefore wouldn’t be alive, and I also wouldn’t have my wonderful new apartment (and the prospect of a live-in caregiver) because so many people helped me with moving expenses. I didn’t hold a gun to anyone’s head, people did this because they wanted to help, and that is one way love can manifest.

There’s so much love in my life right now I don’t quite know what to do with it. Today I got three books in the mail (thank, J.) and people have helped me buy supplies for my new home and just…. wow. I never imagined people would be as generous and loving as they are.

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