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8:35pm January 10, 2015

bittersnurr:

On a fairly regular daily basis, something will remind me the world wants me dead and I haven’t earned my right to exist.

This isn’t intrusive thoughts, it’s not internal at all, it’s just the way things are.

I could avoid ever reading about people like me and still get reminded, I will be reminded in every interaction with anything to do with health care, by the government and laws etc. It’s not a thing you can just avoid because if you ignore it, it makes it worse. All new rules etc. I wouldn’t know about in time to prepare for hoops I’ll be ordered to jump through.

How are you supposed to find yourself deserving of good things, when the world is rigged purposefully to keep you from getting any of them?

I felt worthless when I was socially acceptable, how do you not feel worthless when people tell you that you are to your face?

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