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8:52pm March 18, 2015
Anonymous asked: Is there a reason other than complete exhaustion that you don't take care of yourself? I find the sicker I am and the more miserable I feel if I at least look in the mirror and look good I feel a little better knowing that. It makes me feel good to have a manicure, pedicure with flowers or something silly on my toes. Eyebrows shaped and eyelash extensions. Lots of salons will come to the hospital or your home for the chronically ill and it's free😝 Their way of giving to the community. A thought

I can’t figure out what you mean.  I do take care of myself to the maximum possible of my abilities.  If there is any area where I don’t take care of myself (and I still don’t know quite what you mean), it’s either:

  • Because I don’t give a crap about that area of life.
  • Because I’m too busy doing other things.
  • Because pain and sensory issues are worse when I’m sick and I can’t handle things like that.

You seem to be talking about taking care of myself cosmetically.

I am not capable of showering without assistance.  I try to get help washing my pits and putting powder in them.

My hair does what my hair does.  It is straight, wavy, curly, and occasionally kinky.  It is extremely difficult to take care of at the best of times, and entrusting it to someone else to take care of can have drastic results if they’re not used to this kind of hair.  Therefore, I save hair care for when I’m home and have the time and energy.

I’m not alone with the hair.  Generally when I’m walking down the halls doing exercise (you know, actually taking care of myself, when I can) I can tell the staff from the patients in one easy way – the patients all have bedhead from hell.  The IV poles we drag around help too.  But the hair is a huge indicator.

I do find it a little insulting to be told I’m not taking care of myself just because I can’t brush my hair when I’m delirious, paranoid, and so sick that I’m throwing up and shitting myself (and spending the rest of the time trying not to).  All of my skills are stretched to the breaking point in the hospital, so either learning new skills or using difficult skills puts me in a dangerous and vulnerable position, especially since I have adrenal insufficiency.  (Which is not the same as ‘adrenal fatigue’.  People don’t die from adrenal fatigue, which isn’t even a proper diagnosis, it’s a misdiagnosis for dozens of conditions many of them serious – we do die, all the time, from adrenal insufficiency.)

Notes:
  1. clatterbane reblogged this from withasmoothroundstone and added:
    I saw the followup where this person claimed Mel had gotten it all wrong, and I don’t think so.Appearance-based “taking...
  2. vassraptor said: Oh look, it’s the gender police. Here’s what they mean: you’re not femme enough for them, and they see that as a failure on your part. Healthist, ableist, sexist, AND transphobic.
  3. crypticcripple reblogged this from fullyarticulatedgoldskeleton
  4. fullyarticulatedgoldskeleton reblogged this from withasmoothroundstone and added:
    You just got out of the hospital with horrible delirium but no, lack of eyelash extensions, this is your priority....
  5. lesbirb said: looking conventionally attractive does not equal taking good care of yourself. and who gets eyelash extensions in that kind of state. I do pretty well and I don’t even find the cares to wear makeup
  6. merchantfan said: :( Why the heck would your eyebrow shape matter when you are so sick? Getting the deadends cut off of hair and wearing a ponytail or braid does reduce knotting though which is nice. I always hated how knots pull my hair.
  7. feralhumanbeing said: wow forget this person, how fuckin rude.
  8. yungmethuselah said: The anon is just being rude. They’re very interested in traditional beauty ideals and accompanying rituals; either it hasn’t occured to them that you aren't—or, knowing you aren’t, their whole intention was to insult your appearance (more likely).
  9. perimyotis said: wow.
  10. rosy-zozi reblogged this from withasmoothroundstone and added:
    The question sounds like some patronising BS…
  11. withasmoothroundstone posted this