3:36am April 30, 2015

➸ The bridge by Kalen Molten - Speak Autistic - Doctor Steve Abel

“I am rescued. As I stand there, alien to this land I have struggled so hard to get to, my rescuers are praised. I am not. Everyone seems to forget that although they gave me the tools, I built the bridge.“

Wow I found a copy of the article, and it wasn’t even that hard! That last paragraph I just quoted sums up everything that is wrong with all the autism experts and parents and teachers sitting around congratulating each other for all the work they’ve done to “rescue” an autistic person, without realizing that the autistic person has done the bulk of the actual work.

Something else the author of this article has said (from the alt.support.autism FAQ), making me think maybe she regrets having crossed that bridge. Her take on this has always made me wonder what it is that makes it so some people (like me) can walk back and forth (or be involuntarily thrown back and forth) across the bridge, while she crossed the bridge and can never go back. It’s as if she’s been exiled, while I’m just visiting out here. This quote and others can be found on this FAQ page:

My greatest regret in life is learning to talk. It was talking - and the ability to label the internal and external world - that took away my world and forced me into this one. Prior to learning of words, I existed in my peaceful, distant world where I was aloof and untouchable. I was safely away from this overwhelming and usually unpleasant world. My world was silent - a silence not of sound but of understanding. The noise of the world could not penetrate my thoughtless, noiseless, unfeeling existence. It is my world that I miss. There is no returning; there is no way to unlearn what is learned. I now know of words and concepts. I now know of emotions, of people, and of pain.
When I was low functioning I was in my own little world and I didn’t care. It’s much harder for me being high functioning and intensely aware of what I am not. I’m too low functioning to cope well, but too high functioning to get any help.