4:17am May 4, 2015

“Sometimes I also feel so guilty, as if I deserve this somehow. Because I was so dissatisfied before. Of course, I wasn’t dissatisfied all the time— don’t misunderstand me. I actually did like my life. But lots of times I was. And I regret that. I regret it so much. Why couldn’t I just enjoy it? The only thing I did was wait, wait for it to get better. To get better than it was.”

Regine Stokke, Regine’s Book: A Teen Girl’s Last Words

Can relate to this so much.  I’ve gone on to survive (so far, or i wouldn’t be writing this) but brushes with death left me in a state where I now feel grateful for every day I’m alive.  It sounds like a cliche, but I feel like I’ve been given a second chance at life, and I don’t want to spend it being upset about my life not being good enough.  Not everyone responds to death in this way, but a lot of people do.

I need to remember this tomorrow when I’m getting my (inevitably painful for a couple weeks, very painful) nerve block.  :-P

15 notes