12:58am June 4, 2015

Predictably, I got anon hate from my posts about cyberbullying, why should this be surprising?

Telling me I am not autistic, have no medical problems, and should “get help”.

Funny, I got help a long time ago. I was put into the system and assigned a doctor at random who took one look at me and saw autism. He told my mother after taking a developmental history that I was autistic and an idiot savant. I was later examined by the regional center system in California, the SSI system, and the Vermont Developmental disability system, alkyl found me to be autistic/DD. And those are systems that deny as many autistic people as they can get away with. I have watched it happen to both children and adults but especially adults with no childhood diagnosis. My childhood diagnosis saved me.

The team of psychiatrists and psychologists and neurologists who diagnosed autism knew me throughout my entire teenage years, and one psychiatrist into adulthood.

I sought help for medical problems as well. I had more trouble with this as some of my diseases were rare and autistic people present differently than nonautistic people in Medical settings. We also face more medical discrimination (which anon hater perpetuated by saying I fake things for attention) than either nondisabled people or nondisabled autistic people. I know because I co-wrote a study on that topic which has made it into peer reviewed journals.

So it took awhile. But I now have more concrete documentation of the reality of my physical illnesses and disabilities than most online chronically ill people are able to say they have.

I have bronchiectasis. Diagnosed by high resolution CT scan.

I have severe secondary adrenal insufficiency. Diagnosed by repeated blood levels of cortisol and ACTH (finding not enough to measure of either, at a time when I was near death) and an ACTH stimulation test.

I have either myasthenia gravis, hereditary myasthenia, or hereditary myasthenia gravis. Diagnosed by a single fiber EMG. My mom has it too diagnosed the same way after I was diagnosed. We were both also tentatively diagnosed by response to Mestinon before our battery of testing was complete.

Early onset gallbladder disease and post cholecystectomy syndrome, diagnosed by ultrasound and surgery. It had gotten so bad because of years of doctors blowing me off that the gallbladder was looking dead by the time the surgeon took it out. He was angry.

I have autistic catatonia (which accounts for loss of most speech among other things). The symptoms matched exactly what my doctor had seen my whole adolescence. All he had to do was read the Wing and Shah (2000) paper and I was diagnosed in a heartbeat it was so obvious. I couldn’t possibly have been faking it because the one paper out when I first showed signs was unavailable to me and would not have resembled me as it was a single case study of a very different sort of presentation. The 2000 study was about lots of people and provided general criteria that I more than fit.

I have gastroparesis diagnosed by gastric emptying study. You swallow radioactive eggs and they track how fast they travel through your stomach.

I have TMJ dysfunction tied to a jaw deformity found in a panoramic scan and a hypermobility syndrome diagnosed by joints bending in ways that are impossible to fake. People who are not hypermobile can’t put a thumb parallel to their forearm or a foot behind their head.

i have a straight neck as found in xrays and cat scans, it lacks normal curvature.

I have exotropia. They look at the position of your eyes.

That’s just a sampling.

Not only that but my father was and brother is autistic so why would I be likely not to be?

Anyway I have ample proof of all of these things. They don’t give out power chairs, communicating devices, hospital beds, Hoyer lifts, feeding tubes, oxygen machines, or much of my other adaptive equipment (some of which I don’t need anymore due to treatment of my belt diagnosed conditions) to people who don’t need them. Hell, some people who do need them have a hard time getting them. So I had to have a lot of proof to get these things.

I have more proof of my autism diagnosis than many autistic people in the autistic community whose diagnosis is never equated by people like this anon.

I have far more proof through objective medical tests of my medical conditions, than most chronically ill people I meet online. They may occasionally get questioned but few of them are singled out for cyberbullying campaigns with the main target takeaway message being that they have a mental illness that makes them fake their condition.

There are people running around exactly like me who do not get cyberbullied and shunned and treated like shit. Even when they directly point out to the bullies that they are just like me yet the bullies are not targeting them.

The reason the bullies do not target most people just like me? They are not, as they claim, about exposing the truth. If they were, Anne for instance would be as heavily targeted as I am and Shi would many of my online friends. Because all of us have the traits that are signaled out on me for picking on relentlessly.

The reason?. This is not about exposing the “truth” about me out people like me. It is a personal vendetta targeted at me and only me. The reasons each person has for bullying me are different but they are united in hating me. They find me an easy target because certain of my traits make it easy to play on people’s prejudices. They picked those ableist prejudices to play on because they know ableism is utterly unexamined in the minds our most people (most people have never heard of ableism). It’s easy to paint me as fake because everyone likes to look for fake disabled people due to deeply rooted disability, racial, and class prejudices intertwined. So they are targeting me not because I am truly a fake disabled person. Even they know I’m real. Some of them used to admit I was real, back when calling me disabled was a way to call me broken, and therefore another acceptable bullying technique. Some of them even urged me to act out things I didn’t have then blamed me for “faking” them later.

So make no mistake: When you read bullshit about me not being disabled, you are not reading people determined to find the truth about me. You are reading people who wanted to attack me – and only me– as hard as they could. Accusing me of faking my disabilities is the easiest way to do it. That’s how cyberbullying works. The surface level concern trolling bullshit is just bullshit designed to rope bystanders in and make them take the side of the bullies, making their work easier.

I posted many of my medical records online once. They contained both proof of my initial diagnosis of atypical autism (just autism really but PDDNOS in the nineties was used in many people who like me fit full criteria, you can read about it in Unstrange Minds – it was switched to autism by the same doctor after the danger of long term institutionalization had passed). And also evidence that my current cyberbullies, some of them anyway, were known to my psychiatrist to encourage me to act out pathologies I didn’t have for their own amusement and that I should avoid them at all costs. A far cry from their claim of being super close friends who were not at all involved inn making me do those things.)

It helped not at all. In fact it just gave them more personal info about me. I suggest anyone considering doing their records online reconsider. It won’t make bullies Stup bullying you because they don’t want the truth. They want to hurt you. And they can get more info out off those records than you might imagine. Then they can hurt you worse. The only records I’ve posted recently are screenshots of my adrenal lab test results, because they contain no identifying information and are just a bunch of numbers.

Anyway I am sick of this. I am sick of being singled out while people with far less proof than me are accepted instantly. I don’t want them singled out either but it rankles to see these bullies accepting the reality of people who have no proof at all while all my proof means nothing. They even have accepted some of the few people I have secretly doubted. No I won’t say who. That would be gossiping and my doubts are best kept to myself. They serve no purpose except in my personal relations and how I choose to be wary at times.

But this anon hater is not after the truth about me. They just want to bully and hurt me and calling me a fake is, as they see it, the easiest way to do so. They say I’m not autistic and have no medical conditions. I was diagnosed with autism when I barely heard of it. There may be no objective tests for autism but I was given tests in which scored in very typical patterns for an autie. But Medical conditions?. Objective testing galore, most of which can’t be faked, and I “passed” tests for practically all of my diagnoses. Very objective unbiased tests. Shi claiming I don’t have Medical conditions it’s laughable to anyone who’s seen my medical records.

Which, by the way, fact checkers insist upon. If they hadn’t seen my test results they might not have believe me, because of my stalkers. Seeing the test results, as well as objective proof stalkers were lying about really basic information, meant I’ve never been denounced as a fraud by the media. I fact CNN’s Sanjay Gupta addressed this manufactured controversy and strongly endorsed my diagnosis. They required tons of proof including interviews with people who knew me in childhood and childhood records. They could have easily denounced me if they had any sense I wasn’t real. They didn’t. They said I may be atypical (never claimed otherwise) but I’m definitely autistic.

All that and some people still believe cyberbullies over objective testing. If that’s you, leave me alone until you’re willing to become a decent human being. Because all this stuff is hate and you are hateful if you get mired in it and act on it by approaching me about it.