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8:10am July 23, 2015
Anonymous asked: I know you're not feeling well now, and that even if you did feel well, you might not want to or be able to respond, so if I don't get a response, I understand why and won't be upset. I wanted to ask, though, if you have advice for seeing a gynecologist when you're fat, have sexual trauma, and are continually talked to like a child and treated badly by doctors because you're cognitively disabled? How can I make sure I find a gynecologist who's respectful and safe?

Oh geez.  I have no idea. 

I got my last gynecologist because I had a friend who recommended her as amazing.  Then she retired and now I’m still looking for one (as in, I’m unsure whether to remain with her successor at her practice or whether to try and find a new one, especially after some stuff that happened with billing that was really screwed up and has left me in permanent debt), and kind of freaked out about the whole thing. 

There’s a Planned Parenthood within walking distance of me, I’ve thought of going there out of convenience, but I don’t know how respectful they’d be.  I have a horrible time with gynecological exams, and sometimes have had to go under anesthesia for procedures that don’t normally require it, so… yeah.  I have no idea how to find someone respectful, and right now I’m right in the middle of that problem myself. 

It might be possible to interview different doctors and see which one would be a good fit before consenting to any exams, but that could also prove impossibly expensive if insurance wasn’t covering the visits (which they might not if no exam was taking place, I don’t know a lot about things like that). 

So the short answer is:  I wish I knew.  Myself – I’m fat, hairy (which always comes up with gyns as a “holy crap are your hormones okay!?!!” thing), genderless, a sexual abuse survivor, and cognitively disabled myself, as well as having what seem to be physical issues that make exams excruciatingly painful (like I can handle a nerve block in my face without flinching but I can’t handle a speculum without screaming my head off, it feels as if they’re tearing flesh, and even if they knock me out first it’s excruciatingly painful when I wake up so their constant idea that I must be tensing the muscles is probably wrong, unless I can tense muscles in my sleep).  And I don’t have periods since I was 28 or so (I’m turning 35 next month), so I need gyn care to avoid cancer (because of the particular causes of this for me), plus I really do have pituitary problems (including severe adrenal insufficiency) that might be contributing to some of this.  And all of those things have made gynecological stuff really difficult.  I didn’t even start getting exams until a later age than I should have, because of all that, and I can’t get the same kind of exams most people get, because of all that, and it’s a serious pain in the butt at minimum.

I’m posting this in case anyone knows this sort of thing better than I do.

Notes:
  1. paperpoppystorebywheeliewifee said: imsarahcate has great advice on this topic!!
  2. loki-zen reblogged this from withasmoothroundstone and added:
    I’m like, only fat-ish, cis, and my mental issues aren’t obvious in short appointments like that, but I am a sexual...
  3. merchantfan said: You might have pelvic floor dysfunction. That’s what I have which prevents things from getting in.
  4. katisconfused said: the only useful advice I have is planned parenthood lets you get away with less exams then the regular gynos so I go there for the trauma part
  5. vensre said: Yeeeeek, I have the same issue with the speculum. Sensory filter thing, maybe. I don’t think I can do that thing anymore tbh. Even if they use the one for small teenagers… ::shudder::
  6. withasmoothroundstone posted this