Theme
3:12pm August 3, 2015

Note:  Please leave the image description and the following text while reblogging, so that people who use screenreaders (mostly but not limited to blind people) can read this post.

[Image description: A ridiculously large Swiss Army knife with more parts than anyone could possibly know what to do with, taken from a screenshot of an Amazon.com page.  The price given is “$1,371.94 and FREE shipping!”.  Several reviews are posted, which I will write below this description.]

5 STARS: Surprising Results

I tried to file my nails, but in the process I accidentally fixed a small engine that was near by.  Which was nice.

3 STARS: Found this…

…stuck into a stone while on vacation.  I’m impressed with it, generally.  Unfortunately, it turns out that removing it made me the new king of Switzerland, which is a lot of responsibility.

3 STARS: Ooops

I forgot the knife in the front pocket of my Swiss Army shorts and when my wife washed them it completely disassembled our washing machine.

1 STAR: Disappointing

This would be a great product but was dismayed to find it has no banana slicer- that’s a deal breaker.  Returning today.

5 STARS: Bad Tooth Pick Placement

It’s a great knife, it’s just that the tooth pick is in the center of the knife so when you use it, it looks like your playing some kinda f’ed up harmonica.

3 STARS: Changed my life

Received this knife as a gift for my 18th birthday.  Wish I’d known what it was because as soon as I touched it, I grew a mustache and became a Navy Seal.  Mom fainted and my dad laughed and handed me a beer.  I was born a girl.

Minus 2 stars because my breasts were really nice.

3 STARS: It doesn’t have a TOWEL!

But it doesn’t have a TOWEL!  It does, however, come equipped with a Babel fish for those long Vogon flights.

5 STARS: Very versatile

I haven’t been able to use ours yet.  Once my wife found out about the rechargable rabbit attachment in the knife, I haven’t seen either one in a week. 

Notes:
  1. bipolarbisexualbi-ception reblogged this from howaboutbees
  2. thisisnotacatblog reblogged this from asgreenasafreshpickledtoad
  3. likesnowinsep7ember reblogged this from asgreenasafreshpickledtoad
  4. genericscenekid reblogged this from thenight-can-bedeadly
  5. howaboutbees reblogged this from asgreenasafreshpickledtoad
  6. asgreenasafreshpickledtoad reblogged this from kinixys
  7. kinixys reblogged this from patrickstumpedit
  8. thenight-can-bedeadly reblogged this from failureisntanoptionitsinevitable
  9. scottiedarling reblogged this from lost-in-daze
  10. poopncats reblogged this from not-gordon-ramsay
  11. lost-in-daze reblogged this from magog83
  12. ho-ohisbestpokemon reblogged this from jackie-mitsume
  13. jackie-mitsume reblogged this from rule-63
  14. katydoodleoodleoodles reblogged this from mosteamybeats
  15. mosteamybeats reblogged this from patrickstumpedit
  16. superbatcake reblogged this from cractasticdispatches
  17. spotconlonsbiceps reblogged this from patrickstumpedit
  18. sailor-rubix reblogged this from spirithana
  19. shanimal-lover reblogged this from kiwitage
  20. freakingsnowqueen reblogged this from jessielightyear
  21. oh-you-fancy-aye reblogged this from dracovulpini
  22. patrickstumpedit reblogged this from kiwitage
  23. kiwitage reblogged this from sorion
  24. krissyprissy3232 reblogged this from dracovulpini
  25. herecomes-a-greektragedy reblogged this from failureisntanoptionitsinevitable
  26. failureisntanoptionitsinevitable reblogged this from dracovulpini
  27. dracovulpini reblogged this from suuumcuique
  28. cractasticdispatches reblogged this from fullmetalbeansprout
  29. guyswhotreatmeright reblogged this from vamplre
  30. maliciousbubbl4s reblogged this from jessielightyear
  31. vamplre reblogged this from suuumcuique
  32. spirithana reblogged this from suuumcuique