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3:12pm August 3, 2015

Note:  Please leave the image description and the following text while reblogging, so that people who use screenreaders (mostly but not limited to blind people) can read this post.

[Image description: A ridiculously large Swiss Army knife with more parts than anyone could possibly know what to do with, taken from a screenshot of an Amazon.com page.  The price given is “$1,371.94 and FREE shipping!”.  Several reviews are posted, which I will write below this description.]

5 STARS: Surprising Results

I tried to file my nails, but in the process I accidentally fixed a small engine that was near by.  Which was nice.

3 STARS: Found this…

…stuck into a stone while on vacation.  I’m impressed with it, generally.  Unfortunately, it turns out that removing it made me the new king of Switzerland, which is a lot of responsibility.

3 STARS: Ooops

I forgot the knife in the front pocket of my Swiss Army shorts and when my wife washed them it completely disassembled our washing machine.

1 STAR: Disappointing

This would be a great product but was dismayed to find it has no banana slicer- that’s a deal breaker.  Returning today.

5 STARS: Bad Tooth Pick Placement

It’s a great knife, it’s just that the tooth pick is in the center of the knife so when you use it, it looks like your playing some kinda f’ed up harmonica.

3 STARS: Changed my life

Received this knife as a gift for my 18th birthday.  Wish I’d known what it was because as soon as I touched it, I grew a mustache and became a Navy Seal.  Mom fainted and my dad laughed and handed me a beer.  I was born a girl.

Minus 2 stars because my breasts were really nice.

3 STARS: It doesn’t have a TOWEL!

But it doesn’t have a TOWEL!  It does, however, come equipped with a Babel fish for those long Vogon flights.

5 STARS: Very versatile

I haven’t been able to use ours yet.  Once my wife found out about the rechargable rabbit attachment in the knife, I haven’t seen either one in a week. 

Notes:
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