10:47pm January 3, 2012

Okay WTF brain?

At first I thought my iPod screen was flickering for some reason. Then I turned it off – in a dark room – and everything was still flickering.

A bunch of other crap later, it seems to be a migraine thing. But it’s been awhile since I’ve gotten the “the entire world has turned into a giant fluorescent lightbulb” aura.

Now I’m trying to negotiate with my brain – like “If I read on my Kindle to stop the boredom, facing away from all light sources, you won’t make me nauseated, right? If I just stop looking at the iPod?”

(That situation is kind of WTF too. It’s like… if I don’t have a migraine or equivalent pain level going on, I can lay there doing absolutely nothing for hours and not get bored. If I do have that pain level, I get bored as fuck to the point I’ll endure some level of pain or nausea to stop the boredom – unless the migraine gets WAY too much and then I’ll lie down in the dark until it’s over. Maybe what I’m calling boredom is actually something else, some pain-specific emotional state they don’t have words for yet. Or maybe migraines just cause boredom the same way my seizure auras sometimes do. I don’t know. It’s just not an emotion I generally experience much of except in situations like this one.)

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