9:35am January 19, 2012

Sorry about that

Last night, as far as I can tell, several seriously unpleasant bodily sensations all started happening at once. And sensory processing was in a fairly mangled state. And I was trying to begin a post at the time. And things decided they really weren’t going to work.

Somehow I repositioned and slept the rest of the night and I can’t say I feel good but for the moment it is better than whatever that was. Which at one point was like a kind of tactile strobe light effect: Alternating between one region in serious pain and nothing else existing, and everything else existing and the painful area not existing. (And with body awareness problems I couldn’t localize what area was and wasn’t painful or existing. Plus things kept feeling like they were rippling or cutting out.)

As of right now my body seems to be in a weirdly physical state of fear. Like it’s sitting there afraid of that happening again, even as I’m less afraid on an intellectual level. I’ve felt like this before, usually in the aftermath of truly awful pain. So I’m wondering if that’s what that was. (Yes I’m that oblivious. But I feel really lousy right now, and this is good in comparison. So that says something.)

But I’m also afraid of scaring people by getting too direct about what some things feel like. I’m not sure if that fear is grounded in anything or not.

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