1:21am January 28, 2012

“

He was trembling with excitement and he told the whole story without taking a breath, without a comma, a period or a semicolon. “That day the day we had that class I got on the bus and there was a bunch of kids on it and they all laughed at me and called me names you know like retard and all and anyway I just sat there and thought to myself they are just assholes that’s all they are and when I got off the bus I waited for it to drive away and I yelled out ASSHOLES and when I got home I went into my apartment and looked in the mirror and said to the mirror I’m OK it’s them who are assholes.” He stopped with a big grin on his face. Someone in the audience started to applaud and then the whole conference burst into an ovation for him. It was, I believe, the first time someone called him a name and he wasn’t hurt by it. It was, also, I believe, the first time that he felt the collective warmth and support of his community.

If I could take anything out of the public consciousness it would be “Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.” What an incredible lie. Think about your life. I’ll bet you that there are incidents which happened to you, words that were said to you, that you would rather have been slapped than those words said to you. I’ll bet you that those words are still there lodged like a bullet into your brain. Words hurt. Really, Really Hurt.

When I teach people with disabilities, now, I no longer teach Bitch and Asshole. But I still teach the same concept. I do the role play about a gang teasing someone with a disability. Once that is done I ask the group, “Do you think these people are mean?” while I’m pointing to the gang. Everyone says, “Yeah.”

I then say, “Okay, we need to help her out. When she walks by the gang and they tease her you are going to yell out …

I’M OKAY … YOU’RE MEAN

I’M OKAY … YOU’RE MEAN

I’M OKAY … YOU’RE MEAN

OK, now bang the table, stamp your feet or clap your hands while you say …

I’M OKAY … YOU’RE MEAN

I’M OKAY … YOU’RE MEAN

I’M OKAY … YOU’RE MEAN

Then we all do the role play. As she walks by the gang we all yell and stamp our feet and clap out hands.

I’M OKAY … YOU’RE MEAN

I’M OKAY … YOU’RE MEAN

I’M OKAY … YOU’RE MEAN

When it’s over, there is such an air of power in the room. They effectively as a group drowned out the meanness, they used their voices to help another and in doing so, helped themselves. They are teaching each other that they are not alone.

”

Dave Hingsburger, the are word: helping individuals with intellectual disabilities deal with bullying and teasing

I’ve been to a conference where he taught us this stuff. Until then I had no clue that it was possible to even partially drown out hate with my own voice. On the way home, in a van full of other people with developmental disabilities, just about all we could talk about was how much Dave really gets our lives in ways that other staff don’t even come close.

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