5:09pm February 20, 2012

You can’t just force everyone to talk a certain way and think everything’s okay.

There are certain circumstances where I’m really torn. Because on the one hand I understand what people are getting at when they change terminology around. Even done it myself. On the other hand, there’s this way that terminology becomes an important way — perhaps the important way — to distinguish between those who are okay and those who aren’t. And in many circumstances that really pisses me off because it’s in no way fair to anybody.

I’m going to talk about the trans community because it’s the most recent example I’ve seen. But there’s no community that’s off the hook here because this happens in every single one of the various communities fighting for our rights.

What set this rant off? A person(*) who got pissed at another person, said they didn’t have basic “101” level knowledge. Why? Because someone said transgendered instead of transgender.

I was involved in the trans community a long time ago. This was before I realized that rather than having a separate gender from the expected, I simply have no gender at all. Looked for it, tried to make it happen, didn’t work.

Back then we said FTM and MTF and all the other sort of things like that. We said biomale, biofemale, bioman, biowoman. And transman and transwoman. And both transgender and transgendered, interchangeably. This was completely normal and accepted.

I completely understand just about every reason that trans people want to change that terminology. And sometimes I’m able to remember the changes. Sometimes I’m not. Sometimes an “ed” slips onto the end of “transgender” or something. This does absolutely not mean I don’t have “101 level knowledge”.

(Speaking of words, I find the use of the term “101” by people so concerned about using all the right words, and power and privilege and stuff, kind of darkly amusing. 101 is college level. Most people never get to college. No, I am not telling anyone to stop using the term. I just find it funny to hear people telling each other that not knowing something “101 level” is some kind of personal failing with regards to privilege and oppression, given what 101 actually means.)

Even though I respect why people have changed the terminology, I don’t at all respect the way many people use such changes as some kind of shibboleth(**). In other words, if you’re not using the exact right jargon and spellings and phrasings, you’re not as worth listening to, you’re ignorant of how things really work, you’re being disrespectful at best and hostile at worst, and you need to be educated (or just plain yelled at) before you can even take part in the conversation.

And you know what? It’s possible for a person to use the word MTF and know that the person in question was never really male. It’s possible to use biofemale and understand perfectly well that this refers to the way society understands these things, not to the way things actually are. And it’s possible to parrot(***) all the right jargon about FAAB and so forth and not understand any of that at all – in fact a person can use all the right words and still firmly believe that being trans isn’t a real thing at all. These words do not reflect a person’s beliefs or level of understanding. They reflect the jargon a person is most familiar with. They are a terrible way to measure anything at all about a person’s knowledge, beliefs, or level of respect.

And while I respect any given individual’s choice to use the language that most precisely reflects their understanding of things, I find it really awful for people to try to insist that everyone else be just as up on the latest definitions and stuff. That takes a level of involvement or awareness of certain parts of the community that is not even remotely realistic to expect of people. I’m not talking about slurs here, just terminology, but increasingly I’m seeing it treated as if it’s as bad as a slur.

There are so many ways this doesn’t work:

Not everyone has access to the communities that are putting out the new words and definitions and theory.

Not everyone is capable of understanding theory.

Not everyone can easily increase their vocabulary.

Not everyone can control what form their words will take. Or not without using a high level of effort that they may need for more pressing things.

Not everyone can “educate themselves” on things like this.

It takes a lot more words and effort to explain the meaning behind something when it goes against what most people understand and believe to be true, than it does to just use familiar terminology even if it’s a little (or a lot) inaccurate. Not everyone has the energy to spare.

Lots of other reasons besides. There’s so many levels and layers of privilege required to keep up with the changing words and theory, and be able to use what is learned, that it’s ridiculous. It’s almost impossible to list them all, there’s so many.

And that’s besides the fact that there’s considerable disagreement on both the terminology and theory to begin with.

In places where people are trying so hard to get all their words and theory right, I feel greatly out of place and uncomfortable. I feel like I’m being conditioned to weave through a mental minefield in order to communicate. That’s not an action I can sustain long and I grow to fear and resent the people who are trying to drive me to use precious and important energy levels on a whole lot of verbal bullshit maneuvers(****). So even though I totally understand why people get into creating new understandings of the world, clearer language, and so forth, I just can’t get into how that becomes a mandatory thing for everyone who comes into contact with them, and the elitism that follows.

I am far more offended by the manner people use to insist on the right terminology, and their insistence to begin with, and often their belief that their terminology is the best at all… than I am offended by someone whose heart is in the right place(*****) who uses the “wrong” terminology. Even when it’s terminology I hate. Hell, in some circumstances I would prefer an outright slur, rather than the degree of self-righteous fussing people do trying to come up with the right words and force everyone else to follow them. (Yes I know they lack the power to force most people but they still often do their best.)

Yes – there are circumstances where I would rather be called high or low functioning, or even a retard or retarded or something, than put up with this bullshit about everyone having to say things just exactly right. I’m completely serious. This is not exaggeration. And anyone who knows me knows how much I hate functioning levels (and do try to explain why they’re wrong) and slurs.

Because the things that matter to me about someone aren’t the words. It’s the things that lie deep beneath the words. It’s their level of respect and the actions they take. And there are people in the world who don’t know anything but the worst words, who are more respectful and who do more things right than many of the people who put a lot of effort into getting their words perfect. Often the very same highly oppressed people that the Internet precision-of-language crowd claim to be trying to support.

(*) Don’t ask me who. I have trouble tracking most people’s identities on the net unless I know them well or there’s something striking about them.

(**) I never thought I’d use that word. Here’s the relevant parts of the meaning from Wikipedia, bolting my own:

“A shibboleth (/ˈʃɪbəlɛθ/[1] or /ˈʃɪbələθ/)[2] is a custom, principle, or belief distinguishing a particular class or group of people, especially a long-standing one regarded as outmoded or no longer important. It usually refers to features of language, and particularly to a word whose pronunciation identifies its speaker as being a member or not a member of a particular group.”

“In numerous cases of conflict between groups speaking different languages or dialects, one side used shibboleths in a way similar to the above-mentioned Biblical use, i.e., to discover hiding members of the opposing group. Modern researchers use the term "shibboleth” for all such usages, whether or not the people involved were using it themselves.“

"Today, in the (American) English language, a shibboleth also has a wider meaning, referring to any "in-crowd” word or phrase that can be used to distinguish members of a group from outsiders - even when not used by a hostile other group. The word is less well recognized in British English and possibly some other English-speaking groups. It is also sometimes used in a broader sense to mean jargon, the proper use of which identifies speakers as members of a particular group or subculture.“

The way I’m using it here is that people are using the knowledge of particular jargon, knowing the exact right spelling and phrasing, to distinguish whether someone is "in the know” or not. And if they’re not, they’re usually assumed some combination of disrespectful, hostile, ignorant, and not worth listening to.

(***) My apologies to parrots, who do generally actually understand the words they use.

(****) This phenomenon isn’t restricted to people who try to force the right terminology on everyone else. There’s plenty of people who are against this kind of thing and can still create the mental minefield effect.

(*****) And I mean really in the right place. Not just saying so to get out of being accountable for something. I tried to find better words and couldn’t, but could at least figure out that if I didn’t footnote this someone somewhere would think I meant something totally different.