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6:47am March 5, 2012

I can’t quote this one

I’m still reading the book of old Disability Rag stuff. (I’ve also got a CD of everything they ever published.) And… I got to this one article I wanted to quote. And I tried. And I can’t.

Quoting requires slowing down and really thinking about the words. It requires typing the words, which aids me in understanding them. And I can’t make myself want to understand them enough to quote them.

It’s all about nursing homes and rehab and the glamour that companies use to fool people outside them into thinking they’re good places. There’s lots of details that match any other institution I’ve seen. So there’s that.

But there’s also this terror. Because I know I more than qualify for a nursing home. And I have had people try to say I belong in one. And I know that with a few exceptions I’m losing stuff rather than gaining it. And I’m watching a friend with an autoimmune disease go through similar changes. And I’m afraid either of us could end up there. And I have a very good idea what they’re like, having volunteered at them and visited my mom at work.

And just no. I can’t call up those images right now without panicking. Maybe some other time but definitely not now.