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2:53pm March 24, 2012

➸ "You don't need this junk. You need a cat.": I didn’t make it all the way through my video chat. Which never...

feliscorvus:

youneedacat:

feliscorvus:

youneedacat:

I didn’t make it all the way through my video chat. Which never happens.

On the way to the bathroom and back I had to swat away a particularly insistent (and horrible) writing idea. (This is so not the time to try to talk to a favorite author about a human rights issue she doesn’t seem to…

Well I had to go feed Nikki anyway right around then so it didn’t seem like any more of an abrupt cut-off than usual. At least not from my end. And being able to recognize that it’s probably a good time to sign off and rest seems like a really good thing, IMO. Was good to chat but I could tell you were pretty horrendously exhausted. 

It’s still disturbing to hear you say horrendously exhausted when that was far better than the entire week beforehand.

Yeah and I *know* it was better than the week beforehand, is the thing. Your sense of how bad something is seems to work on a really skewed scale, though. Which I think is part of the “blind spot” thing you were talking about a while ago.

I know I have the exact same blind spot when it comes to knowing my own limits and recognizing pain/strain/etc. I mean, in college when I screwed my back up badly it didn’t even occur to me that I should stop trying to lug around 20+ lbs of books until the day I literally couldn’t make my muscles pick up my backpack. But I can see things more clearly in other people, and it was evident yesterday that even just typing was a strain.

(I think if you ever feel that badly again and still want to do video for a while, it might be better to JUST turn on video and not even try to type, and have Cat Convention without any words at all. If nothing else that would allow for more comfortable computer-positioning, I would think).

Yeah I’m the same way. I had a backpack that bad around then too. And that may have contributed to my back being messed up ever since. My first Autreat I remember grabbing someone’s huge duffel bag and slinging it over my shoulder and carrying it up a stairs and watching my two roommates get horrified and not knowing why. And that was after the back pain started, but before I started writhing around on the ground and falling out of trees and breaking bones, but never realizing pain might be behind this. (I never fell out of a tree in my life before then. So falling out means something had to be wrong with me.)

I’m getting out of breath writing this somehow. How is that possible on an iPod? I have more to write but… crap my oxygen level is borderline low. Back on the bipap I guess. May write more if that gives me any more energy.