10:47pm May 2, 2012

➸ In The Ball Pit

It’s about running from self-awareness about faults instead of facing them.

This was my comment:

This happens to me all the time. But then at some point reality kicks the shit out of me for one of these things until I’m forced to deal with it or face dire consequences. Neither way is fun. And yet when I finally look the truth square in the eye instead of dodging, I go “This feels so great to finally just look at it for what it is. So why dont I just do that instead of running away from stuff?” But the next time, it happens just the same, even though I know the whole time that facing the truth about my faults would feel infinitely better. Sort of like how getting a throat culture always worked for me. (As a kid I’d run around to get away and freak out so bad that the only way to get it was to wait until I screamed and do it then. As an adult I don’t scream or run around but it still doesn’t go well. Lots of head turning away and mouth shutting. Both involuntary but still provoking rage from nurses.)