3:19pm May 10, 2012

What do I do when….

There is someone in my life who (to greater or lesser extents, much of my life) thinks my life is a drama in which I (or my doctor, or both) have lost hope about ever getting cured of various medical conditions; and it’s hir job to bring me back to the world of hope/convince me to switch doctors/etc. Hopefully resulting in a cure, or at least making me as absorbed in finding treatments as sie is for hirself.

And it’s someone I care about so I can’t just avoid hir.

Sie is pretty much incapable of seeing that if I invested that much energy in medical stuff I would have none left for actually being who I want to be and living the life I want to live. This is stuff I’d maybe (depends on tons of factors) accept a cure for but would never devote most of my energy to finding one.

Plus more than half of the time sie judges doctors in a way that makes hir love the quacks and hate the good ones. I have one of the best in my area and sie doesn’t like him because he decided against testing me for every conceivable cause for my symptoms, because the amount of time in the hospital the testing might take, would severely affect my life and possibly
kill me through contagious diseases.

Sie doesn’t like that kind of risk/benefit assessment or admitting the limitations of medicine. Which is probably why sie loved this one doctor I had who made me seriously ill with a treatment for a condition that I didn’t have (which wouldn’t have treated the real condition anyway). Sie was really angry when I refused to see that guy or take more of his treatment. Because apparently its my role to constantly seek treatment no matter how fucked up it is or how much it fucks up my life.

I don’t know. Some days I just can’t deal with this crap where someone who wants to help me, is trying to do something that would ruin my life if I gave in to hir.

1 note