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10:33am May 13, 2012
tranqualizer: [image: a picture of a pie graph. text reads, “things that start with “I’m not racist but…” the pie graph is completely filled with blue which signifies “racist comments.”] I once actually heard a person say (in one of those “Everyone here is (presumed) white so I assume I can get away with this” settings) “I don’t want to be racist but I hate (n-word)s.” When I tried to chew her out for this, she told me something on the order of “I don’t mean all black people. I only use that word for the bad or stupid ones. I’m not racist after all.” That was one of the strangest definitions of “not racist” I ever heard. She was like that with just about every other slur I’ve ever heard. And I mean actual slurs that are well known. Not things that only a handful of people consider slurs. I heard her justify all kinds of things with “I know those words hurt. But I meant to hurt people. It’s not like I was using them on people I like, or on every person of that group. So it’s okay.” She was repeatedly kicked out of places (or friendships) for bigotry of various kinds. Her response was to completely lose her shit. I mean way beyond the usual crying you get in those situations. She would completely freak out, like on an obviously deep level, about how “Nobody anywhere is willing to accept me for who I am.” But she refused to accept any responsibility for the fact that people didn’t like her because every other thing out of her mouth was racist or anti-Semitic or disablist or any of a number of other things, on a level where even people who were pretty clueless about racism/etc. weren’t willing to accept her company. She’d basically created this entire worldview where (not just about bigotry, she was in general a mean and unlikable person) nothing she ever did was wrong, but anything anyone did that reacted to her bigotry or cruelty was “mean” or “bullying” or “bigoted” or “attacking her for no reason”. Talking to her felt like entering an area where everything including space-time was warped and distorted. But truly the strangest was the whole “People are bigots for not accepting my flagrant racism” thing.

tranqualizer:

[image: a picture of a pie graph. text reads, “things that start with “I’m not racist but…” the pie graph is completely filled with blue which signifies “racist comments.”]

I once actually heard a person say (in one of those “Everyone here is (presumed) white so I assume I can get away with this” settings) “I don’t want to be racist but I hate (n-word)s.” When I tried to chew her out for this, she told me something on the order of “I don’t mean all black people. I only use that word for the bad or stupid ones. I’m not racist after all.” That was one of the strangest definitions of “not racist” I ever heard.

She was like that with just about every other slur I’ve ever heard. And I mean actual slurs that are well known. Not things that only a handful of people consider slurs. I heard her justify all kinds of things with “I know those words hurt. But I meant to hurt people. It’s not like I was using them on people I like, or on every person of that group. So it’s okay.”

She was repeatedly kicked out of places (or friendships) for bigotry of various kinds. Her response was to completely lose her shit. I mean way beyond the usual crying you get in those situations. She would completely freak out, like on an obviously deep level, about how “Nobody anywhere is willing to accept me for who I am.” But she refused to accept any responsibility for the fact that people didn’t like her because every other thing out of her mouth was racist or anti-Semitic or disablist or any of a number of other things, on a level where even people who were pretty clueless about racism/etc. weren’t willing to accept her company.

She’d basically created this entire worldview where (not just about bigotry, she was in general a mean and unlikable person) nothing she ever did was wrong, but anything anyone did that reacted to her bigotry or cruelty was “mean” or “bullying” or “bigoted” or “attacking her for no reason”. Talking to her felt like entering an area where everything including space-time was warped and distorted. But truly the strangest was the whole “People are bigots for not accepting my flagrant racism” thing.

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