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1:31am June 14, 2012
feliscorvus: OK this is just an experiment but it occurred to me today (after making a photoshop picture yesterday with a reasonably accurate depiction of one type of ocular migraine effect) that I might be able to create images showing at least *some* aspects of what I experience just going about my daily business. It’s one of those things people seem to have a really hard time grasping when, say, they get frustrated in public because I seem to either be standing there staring or not understanding what they’re trying to show me when they say “look at that!”. And it’s also sometimes hard to get people to see how I can have done things like go to college but not have a driver’s license. Anyway, though, the image in this case was taken at the light rail station near my work (where I take the train from on work days). Well, the original image was at least. And the manipulations I’ve done to it don’t show literally what the scene looks like through my *eyes* (at least not in every aspect), but rather, how it looks/feels to my *brain*. My intent was to at least partially represent the way details and shapes seem to pop out at me EVERYWHERE, to the point that I don’t actually normally exist in a state where objects are even immediately recognizable as discrete objects. Often it’s a conscious process to figure out what I’m looking at. I can see shapes and patterns and lines and such just fine, it’s more that the “human-specific significance” of them isn’s just automatic. Which is one of the main reasons it’s not safe for me to drive…I might not even recognize a truck as a truck until it’s too late. (While at the same time…if you give me a picture of a truck and tell me to copy it in pencil I can probably do a pretty darn good job of it, depending on how well my motor skills are working that day). It’s also this sort of thing that makes stuff like, say, grocery shopping really hard. If I go with someone else it often feels like they’re racing around the store at top speed and I have no clue how they figure out what they’re looking at. Yet if I go myself I stand there staring at shelves for an hour, unless I can fix an image in my mind beforehand of what I want.  But yeah. The image is not perfect and I will try to do a better one at some point, but it’s a start. Holy crap. I looked at that photo and I thought something on the lines of “I don’t know what that is, but it looks a hell of a lot like I see things.” Not that this should be surprising, given that according to your S.O. we “share a brain”, but still. That’s incredibly familiar-looking, and not because I’ve seen California light rail stations before, even though I have. I often wish I could manipulate images that well. There’s also a point I reach quite easily though. Where it’s like, the sheer amount of details in everything is too much visually. And things feel like they’re shaking. I mean not literally, but as if the entire fabric of visual reality is so strained that it’s shaking under the weight of the details and about to fall apart. And then it does fall apart and if I’m not lucky I end up even more functionally blind than I already am. I do better at avoiding that with tinted lenses but it still happens a lot. I don’t know if you’ve tried tinted lenses or not. I find I like them for some situations or tasks, and not others. I’ve found good luck with the medium green tint at Zenni Optical. I bet you could try it by ordering one of their cheapest glasses in each tint, spreading it out over a period of months if you don’t want to spend a lot of money. That way you could get an idea what, if anything would work. I find some tints make things better than others, and some make things utterly atrocious. (I once switched glasses with a guy who had the same prescription but different tint, and my eyes instantly hurt and a garbage can folded in half.) Anyway, that’s the closest I’ve seen an image look to how I often see things even when the world hasn’t shattered on me.

feliscorvus:

OK this is just an experiment but it occurred to me today (after making a photoshop picture yesterday with a reasonably accurate depiction of one type of ocular migraine effect) that I might be able to create images showing at least *some* aspects of what I experience just going about my daily business.

It’s one of those things people seem to have a really hard time grasping when, say, they get frustrated in public because I seem to either be standing there staring or not understanding what they’re trying to show me when they say “look at that!”. And it’s also sometimes hard to get people to see how I can have done things like go to college but not have a driver’s license.

Anyway, though, the image in this case was taken at the light rail station near my work (where I take the train from on work days). Well, the original image was at least. And the manipulations I’ve done to it don’t show literally what the scene looks like through my *eyes* (at least not in every aspect), but rather, how it looks/feels to my *brain*.

My intent was to at least partially represent the way details and shapes seem to pop out at me EVERYWHERE, to the point that I don’t actually normally exist in a state where objects are even immediately recognizable as discrete objects. Often it’s a conscious process to figure out what I’m looking at. I can see shapes and patterns and lines and such just fine, it’s more that the “human-specific significance” of them isn’s just automatic. Which is one of the main reasons it’s not safe for me to drive…I might not even recognize a truck as a truck until it’s too late. (While at the same time…if you give me a picture of a truck and tell me to copy it in pencil I can probably do a pretty darn good job of it, depending on how well my motor skills are working that day).

It’s also this sort of thing that makes stuff like, say, grocery shopping really hard. If I go with someone else it often feels like they’re racing around the store at top speed and I have no clue how they figure out what they’re looking at. Yet if I go myself I stand there staring at shelves for an hour, unless I can fix an image in my mind beforehand of what I want. 

But yeah. The image is not perfect and I will try to do a better one at some point, but it’s a start.

Holy crap.

I looked at that photo and I thought something on the lines of “I don’t know what that is, but it looks a hell of a lot like I see things.” Not that this should be surprising, given that according to your S.O. we “share a brain”, but still. That’s incredibly familiar-looking, and not because I’ve seen California light rail stations before, even though I have. I often wish I could manipulate images that well.

There’s also a point I reach quite easily though. Where it’s like, the sheer amount of details in everything is too much visually. And things feel like they’re shaking. I mean not literally, but as if the entire fabric of visual reality is so strained that it’s shaking under the weight of the details and about to fall apart. And then it does fall apart and if I’m not lucky I end up even more functionally blind than I already am. I do better at avoiding that with tinted lenses but it still happens a lot.

I don’t know if you’ve tried tinted lenses or not. I find I like them for some situations or tasks, and not others. I’ve found good luck with the medium green tint at Zenni Optical. I bet you could try it by ordering one of their cheapest glasses in each tint, spreading it out over a period of months if you don’t want to spend a lot of money. That way you could get an idea what, if anything would work. I find some tints make things better than others, and some make things utterly atrocious. (I once switched glasses with a guy who had the same prescription but different tint, and my eyes instantly hurt and a garbage can folded in half.)

Anyway, that’s the closest I’ve seen an image look to how I often see things even when the world hasn’t shattered on me.