3:35am July 7, 2012

➸ We're all mad here: Unpopular Opinion

Okay I have aspergers

some of you fellow aspies piss me off

because honestly? If I could I WOULD want a cure.

Im sure many others feel the same way

hating on someone for wanting a cure doesnt make them wrong

and hating on every fucking allistic person for not being 100% fully educated on…

I apologize for the length but I’m very angry. And not at you.

I don’t normally step into these things. And there’s a lot I likely don’t see eye to eye with you on, including some of the stuff you’ve said. Although some of it I partially agree with. But that’s not why I’m writing this.

It’s the way people like you get shit on. The way you’ve already been shit on. The way you are likely going to get shit on further. Just for stepping in, obviously nervous, and saying stuff that a lot of people here don’t agree with. That is not okay.

I hope that most of the replies you get from people who disagree with you will at least treat you with respect. I’m not expecting it, but I’m hoping it.

This is why I can’t always bring myself to read the actuallyautistic tag. It may be mostly free of the stuff it was created to get away from. But enter an autistic person with a dissenting opinion and it turns into a war zone.

And you know… even when most of what any particular dissenter says isn’t stuff I like? There’s usually at least one thing in there that rings true to me. It isn’t always possible for me to explain what it is. Which is one of many reasons I don’t jump in and try to talk about it.

But there’s usually no opportunity for a genuine discussion to take place anyway. Because it gets nasty and it gets nasty fast. It gets with us or against us. And everyone gets polarized. And there’s no room for subtle or deep conversation to happen.

And then when it’s over, many people go back to a weird oblivious mode. Like “Are there really autistic people who support this viewpoint?” Hell yeah there are. Sometimes right in “our” tags. Just… seriously WTF people.

Real communities. Communities that get things done in a way that is not supremely fucked up, communities that last and build things and do great things for people. Those real communities have compassion as the most core value. And I’m not talking condescension, I’m talking actually giving a fuck about people on a deep level. Compassion doesn’t mean you always have to be nice or that you can’t get mad. It doesn’t even mean you can’t exclude people. But it does mean that deep, intense giving a fuck.

And any autistic community that only gives a fuck based on your political views is not my community. Yeah, even if it’s an activist community. Being an activist doesn’t mean everyone has the same views. I’m proud to have worked hard towards giving all autistic people a means to communicate, towards getting people out of institutions, towards ending torture in the name of treatment, towards getting services for adults in our communities… right alongside autistic people who desperately wanted cures. Their desire to be cured did not take away even a fraction of their willingness to put themselves on the line for our rights.

And yeah. I know there’s autistic people who want a cure who have been seriously unfair to those who don’t, and who have done some power plays in really nasty ways. But for every one of them there’s probably dozens of autistic people who want a cure and aren’t nasty at all. And I don’t care which you turn out to be, there’s still no reason for anyone to treat you like shit based on what you just said here.

And I just… really wish people would hold off flaming at least until the point that someone actually does something seriously shitty. (And the OP is not seriously shitty. Ever notice the double standard? “We” can swear and be mad. “They” have to be super polite and even then they get accused of doing something awful or being assholes.)

And nobody who knows what I’ve been through online and off for my activism could ever say I’m weak or afraid of anger, so don’t anyone even try to go there. If I was weak I wouldn’t be alive by now. I’m just not okay with gratuitous nastiness towards people who don’t comply with the One True Dogma of a community. And Neville Longbottom is my hero: "It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.“ Not that the people who do some of the worst flaming are actually my friends, but it’s easy to think they are, in communities where ‘friends’ are thought to be determined largely by political views. To me, compassion is the biggest key to what a community is, and no matter how many word games people might play to justify this, this is not compassion.

Sorry this discussion couldn’t remain a discussion. Really sorry.

Notes: