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8:29am July 10, 2012

➸ Sometimes, I think NT’s tolerate bad behaviour from autistics and...

sherlocksflataffect:

soultired:

draggle:

malicesilver:

draggle:

goldenheartedrose:

draggle:

jetage:

Sometimes, I think NT’s tolerate bad behaviour from autistics and other neuroatypical because of the assumption that we don’t know any better and can’t help it. Which I guess is nice, in theory. In practice, I think the result is more often that we get away with behaving badly because no one is…

Where do you live???  I wouldn’t be able to get away with anything if I tried!

Yeah, I’m baffled at the op. I can’t even have an off day and have to actually exceed the expectations placed on nts.

Exactly.

I know my circumstances are unique. But I totally agree with the OP. I’ve been hit, kicked, had my hair pulled, pushed, harassed, ect. by my sister and other people with Autism and I was told to keep my mouth shut. I know several parents who I feel gave their children no expectations; they wouldn’t even attempt feeding their kids different foods then  what they were use too. It’s parents who really mean well, but their children end up not progressing the way they could, the way I see it. 

I’ve seen environments where children are treated this way, too, but do you think the parents and authority figures who permit these things really believe their children have futures?  Those are the circumstances I am second-most wary of, second only to my type of upbringing in terms of kids growing up to walk into a life-trap.  These are the kids who are in for the worst of it when they grow up, and the response is never pretty and the outcome is rarely livable. 

I don’t think people allow bullies to bully because they’re autistic…I think it’s because nobody much cares about bullying.  Very different things there. This shit happens to NT kids all the time—probably moreso than autistic kids.  Making a broad statement like “NTs tolerate bad behavior from autistics” and then defending it with stuff NT accept from everyone is really douchey. 

they wouldn’t even attempt feeding their kids different foods then  what they were use too.

Now this kind of really bugged me.  My parents forced me to eat different foods that would actually make me throw up and persisted because they either thought I was faking for attention or would get over it.  Some parts of autism it’s totally okay to coddle.

I want to live in whatever fantasy land op is living in, given that people have blasted loud things in my ears, have assaulted me for having a seizure, I’vee been nearly arrested for walking while autistic, et cetera.

Probably depends a lot on environment. The world at large doesn’t tolerate even existence from autistic people. I mean I’ve had people try to kill me for existing. But within individual (nuclear and extended) family environments, I’ve seen it.

Worst example? A family who literally believed their daughter could do no wrong ever, because she was autistic. They didn’t bother teaching her anything, they were too busy competing with each other to see which one of them she would like more. They even lied to her and told her she was in gifted classes so she wouldn’t get upset about being years behind in school or having a low IQ. She grew up terrified of everything due to never being given the slightest boundary. The parents were always patting themselves on the back for being “accepting” (giving actual acceptance a bad name). They were careful to never expose her to an environment where anyone would say no to her ever.

Bottom line? When she was a kid, she cared about people and was a decent human being. I know. I knew her. She’s an adult now. She tries to murder people for mildly inconveniencing her. (No seriously like really and truly tries to murder people, in ways that would really kill them if they weren’t watching for it, and really and truly for minor inconveniences.) She shows not the slightest hint of giving a fuck about anyone ever. Her family show not the slightest hint of changing.

I think the OP is confused, to put it mildly, if they think the entire world works that way. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they are generalizing to the whole world, a situation like the woman I just described. I really really wish I was kidding or exaggerating about the environment she lives in and how badly it fucked her up.

And beyond the human damage that was done to her and anyone she may eventually harm or kill, I’m pissed because her family calls this autism acceptance. Because it’s exactly what asshole parents think we mean when we talk about accepting an autistic person for who we are. And it’s just… the situation is incredibly shitty on every possible level.

That’s the most extreme example I’ve ever seen. But I’ve seen other families who do that. Not usually in the name of acceptance. But because of fear or guilt or prejudice or some twisted idea that we can’t possibly have the ability to behave properly, and other impossibly low expectations.

But step outside of those tiny, cocooned environments some families create, and the world is nothing like that. Not even close. I’ve been assaulted for being autistic, detained and locked up in mental institutions for walking around outside looking autistic, almost killed for being autistic, and had my slightest deviation from normal behavior pathologized for being autistic. I’ve never gotten away with anything, in fact I’ve gotten away with less. So while I can believe the OP witnessed some kind of tiny closed environment that worked like this (because I’ve seen them, and such environments are terrible in their own right – even for the autistic person in them), generalizing from that is just ridiculous.