2:47am July 19, 2012

➸ codeman38’s tumblings: On offenses versus triggers

youneedacat:

josiahd:

youneedacat:

codeman38:

For some of us on the spectrum, the way that some people shout at others in the #actuallyautistic tag— whether it be autistics with different viewpoints, or neurotypicals who Just Don’t Get It— can be somewhat triggering.

I know this is the case for myself, at least, because I’ve even had this…

That. Although I am also sometimes bothered or offended by the way things go down as well. But it’s very hard to explain why, so if I say something, people tend to assume my opinion is whatever opinion is easiest for them to argue with. (A friend put it the best — “people here are behaving like a cross between a liberal and an FBI agent” — but even that requires more explanation than I’m capable of right now.)

Note that I haven’t actually read that tag since last time I replied to something on it. So I’m not writing this about anything current. Why? Because I have to stay away from that tag for my own sanity sometimes.

And as for what I disagree with. I really do think I fundamentally disagree with how some people carry things out. And find it offensive. But it’s not something you can see by looking at surfaces. Like if all you take is the words someone writes, and their basic positions on lots of issues, as taken from those words. Then yeah I may appear to agree with the people I am getting offended by. But if you look down deep beneath the words. And if you look at the context. That’s where you’ll find what I both disagree with and am offended by.

And no. It’s nothing anywhere near as simplistic as the “you just want everyone to stop being angry” or something. But I can’t explain right now. I just know some very fucked up things keep happening, and there is no simple way to describe them.

Yes.

I keep hoping I’ll find some way of describing them though.

Because I’ve gone through a lot of communities and ideologies because I kept figuring out the one I was in was like that, and then thinking the next one wouldn’t be.

But they all are like that.

And it’s not ok. And saying that isn’t about being a privileged asshole, or any of the other ways it’s called heresy in other spaces.

Yeah I’m trying really hard to figure out how to talk about this stuff. I actually found it so complicated that I had to download software specifically to help me organize all the different pieces to what’s going on. You type an idea into a little box and then you can move all the boxes around to organize them. This is seriously the only way I’ll have a prayer of writing about this. It’s a very serious issue and the roots of it run deeper than most people realize.

But one thing I know for certain: There is no ideology that won’t cause serious problems. It’s built into the nature of how ideologies work. :-/

One little piece I keep noticing - that I *can* put into words. Is that there are a lot of times when an ideology becomes more important than people/lives. And the whole point of the ideology was (at least in part) to protect/improve people’s lives. So this trellis/protecting wall - by its own stiffness becomes this thing that people get slammed against and hurt by.

I don’t know if I’m making sense. If not - ask and I’ll try to clarify. Or listen to your point if you think I’m totally off the mark.

Yes. Very right. I wrote a much longer response. Am still writing it. But I figured it might turn into several posts so I’d better reply now. But here’s the first paragraph:

That is absolutely a huge part of it. And one of the worst parts is that not only are “outsiders” being slammed into it. But at the very same time, many times the people who are acting on the ideology and doing harm to others, are being harmed by it themselves. They are sincerely trying to do the right thing but getting swept away by the same forces they created while trying hard to do the right thing. That’s not always the case – but when it is, it becomes exceptionally difficult to watch. Because everyone is getting hurt on all sides. This doesn’t always diminish responsibility (sometimes it might, I’m not clear on this). But it does make it… just awful. And it’s one of the reasons I have trouble with the concept of just blanketly condemning the people who are carrying it all out. Such a huge horrible mess. I think I’ve been on both sides of it myself.

Notes: