Theme
6:53am September 3, 2012
josiahd: autisticandawesome: I am not into Autism Awareness, ribbons, puzzles, tattoos, blue lightbulbs, red lightbulbs, or any lightbulbs of any color, all of which turn my brrrainzzz off as soon as they are turned on, nor am I into Autistic Self-Advocacy, although I respect Autistic Self-Advocacy and the real live autistic people doing it way bester than I evar could. What I am into is making concrete tangible practical things that can help autistic children and adults do moar Moar MOAR things in our lives, whether at school, where children can learn from materials made with their minds in mind, or at work, where adults can learn to manage projects and interact with people, or at home, where eberryone can learn to do the little things of eberryday life that help us function bester and be more independent. For eggsample, I make educational materials for autistic students, currently a geometry curriculum to teach both a sqoool subject and how to think and learn to kids of any age. But I could also use some of these educational materials myself, made with my mind in mind, for me to learn to do moar Moar MOAR things in my eberryday life. Maybe a detailed visual cookbook to learn to cook a variety of delicious healthy meals, with step-by-step pictures and words for making lasagna, yum yum yum. Maybe a detailed visual guidebook to learn to do my taxes, with step-by-step pictures and words for filling out the 1040EZ. Maybe a detailed verbal guidebook to learn to make phone calls, with word-for-word scripts for calling a variety of places, yuck yuck yuck. Maybe a detailed visual + verbal thinkbook to learn about the social stuff that makes other people’s brrrainzzz go round and round and round, spin spin spin, in ways that I don’t intuitively perceive or understand. I think that there is a lot of talent in the autistic community, amongst autistic people. It would be awesome if we could use our talents to help each other in ways that are more walkie, less talkie, more making concrete tangible practical things to help each other survive and thrive in life, less talking in general. After all, many of us are totally untalented at communicating and socializing, but what we can’t do in “talking the talk”, we can do in “walking the walk”, and verry merry berry well too, I bet. I bet that a cookbook made by autistic people for autistic people would be the highest-quality, mostest-detailed, visually-purrrtiest, verbally-clearest, best bester bestest cookbook evar. We ain’t gotz all that Busy-Bee Warp-Drive intensity and focus for nothing. This. Making stuff is good too. Not everything is about politics. Absolutely this.  Although few to none of those things are the kind of thing I’m good at when it comes to practical stuff.  A lot of them are this weird midway point between “walk” and “talk” that zaps my brain even though I can do the two extremes.  That doesn’t seem to make sense. But I have two modes of existing. Both are me. But they are very contrasting. One of my friends calls them water/earth and fire/air.  Just based on which classical elements she would attach to them. The water/earth part (which is the practical part, among many other things including art, emotions, perceptiveness, etc.) feels more “me” than the other, but I’m assured (and believe) that the other part is me as well. It’s the fire/air part that shows best on the Internet, which has long been a source of frustration for me. They’ve historically been unbearably separate but they’re starting to move closer together.  Anyway.  Where I am good at practical stuff is the stuff where it’s literally as practical as it gets. I may not be able to take care of myself worth shit (like the fast approaching needing 24 hour care thing), but I can often take care of other people. This is all assuming I’m physically up to the task, which is a big if, because I’m also in bed close to 24/7 from a series of medical conditions including a muscle condition and near-constant migraines.  This makes it so that when I am available to do practical stuff, it’s in short spurts and then I collapse on myself and crawl back into bed, possibly vomiting first.  Literally by the end of whatever it is, I often end up lying on the floor for awhile before I can drag myself into my wheelchair and then need to be guided back into bed.  Usually what I end up doing is helping another autistic gimp with stuff she can’t do at that moment (or ever at all) for whatever reason, that needs to be done Right Now.  This includes everything from crawling around on the floor searching for beads, to helping her clean up in the bathroom.  Basically in these situations she’s the brain and I’m the hands.  Many of these things I can do on my own. But many I need to be guided through step by step because I can’t handle the cognitive half of the activity.  (It’s largely the cognitive half that keeps me unable to take care of myself as well.)   I actually enjoy doing this stuff, too. Especially because I can’t talk while I’m doing it. I talk through a machine with my hands, so if I’m doing something with my hands I can’t talk. And this gives me a chance to interact with someone without having to use language. Despite my apparent skill at language it’s completely foreign to me and wipes out my brain to use and doesn’t feel right or natural. So when I’m helping someone practically I can spend time with them without having to use language at all.  Sometimes in fact if I’m doing up her compression garments or something, I turn language comprehension off entirely. Which allows me to concentrate on the tone and flow and music of the words, which I’m far better at and far more relaxed doing than dealing with language comprehension, which is one of my worst skills.  So I just sit there wrapping straps around her legs and listening to entirely the musical end of her speech, and it’s as close to an ideal interaction as I can get with someone of such a different autism subtype than mine.  And when I do decide to listen to her actual words, she doesn’t mind if I talk entirely through gestures, and isn’t bad at deciphering them since she grew up talking more through gestures than through speech until she learned techniques to sound more articulate than she is. So it all works out in the end.  And it’s in situations like that that I feel as close to “who I am” as I can get in interactions with people very unlike me:  Doing practical stuff for someone while completely immersed in the world without language.  Unfortunately there’s a limit to how much I can do that due to my physical limitations.  But it’s so much better than the Internet, or than any interaction where I have to sit there and decipher language while typing language of my own. One thing I hate about the Internet is the lack of opportunities to be myself in interactions with other people. It’s a realm I enter knowing I will feel detached and yucky from the sheer word-ness of it. So I can do the very practical stuff.  Or I can do (despite pain and weirdness and discomfort) the language stuff. But language stuff about practical stuff?  Or anything that involves analyzing practical stuff with my mind and breaking it down?  There’s just no way, not consistently.  When I’m doing practical stuff, I don’t think, I just do.  In fact sometimes I need other people to do the thinking for me.  ; But good luck on your project. And I’ll always be around if you live near enough and need someone to do something shortish (few hours max, possibly much less, depending on activity and day) and physical in a pinch.  As long as you don’t mind a big autistic lump potentially forming on your floor afterwards for a short time until my muscles work well enough to get myself out of there. 

josiahd:

autisticandawesome:

I am not into Autism Awareness, ribbons, puzzles, tattoos, blue lightbulbs, red lightbulbs, or any lightbulbs of any color, all of which turn my brrrainzzz off as soon as they are turned on, nor am I into Autistic Self-Advocacy, although I respect Autistic Self-Advocacy and the real live autistic people doing it way bester than I evar could.

What I am into is making concrete tangible practical things that can help autistic children and adults do moar Moar MOAR things in our lives, whether at school, where children can learn from materials made with their minds in mind, or at work, where adults can learn to manage projects and interact with people, or at home, where eberryone can learn to do the little things of eberryday life that help us function bester and be more independent.

For eggsample, I make educational materials for autistic students, currently a geometry curriculum to teach both a sqoool subject and how to think and learn to kids of any age.

But I could also use some of these educational materials myself, made with my mind in mind, for me to learn to do moar Moar MOAR things in my eberryday life.

Maybe a detailed visual cookbook to learn to cook a variety of delicious healthy meals, with step-by-step pictures and words for making lasagna, yum yum yum.

Maybe a detailed visual guidebook to learn to do my taxes, with step-by-step pictures and words for filling out the 1040EZ.

Maybe a detailed verbal guidebook to learn to make phone calls, with word-for-word scripts for calling a variety of places, yuck yuck yuck.

Maybe a detailed visual + verbal thinkbook to learn about the social stuff that makes other people’s brrrainzzz go round and round and round, spin spin spin, in ways that I don’t intuitively perceive or understand.

I think that there is a lot of talent in the autistic community, amongst autistic people. It would be awesome if we could use our talents to help each other in ways that are more walkie, less talkie, more making concrete tangible practical things to help each other survive and thrive in life, less talking in general. After all, many of us are totally untalented at communicating and socializing, but what we can’t do in “talking the talk”, we can do in “walking the walk”, and verry merry berry well too, I bet.

I bet that a cookbook made by autistic people for autistic people would be the highest-quality, mostest-detailed, visually-purrrtiest, verbally-clearest, best bester bestest cookbook evar. We ain’t gotz all that Busy-Bee Warp-Drive intensity and focus for nothing.

This. Making stuff is good too. Not everything is about politics.

Absolutely this. 

Although few to none of those things are the kind of thing I’m good at when it comes to practical stuff.  A lot of them are this weird midway point between “walk” and “talk” that zaps my brain even though I can do the two extremes.  

That doesn’t seem to make sense. But I have two modes of existing. Both are me. But they are very contrasting. One of my friends calls them water/earth and fire/air.  Just based on which classical elements she would attach to them. The water/earth part (which is the practical part, among many other things including art, emotions, perceptiveness, etc.) feels more “me” than the other, but I’m assured (and believe) that the other part is me as well. It’s the fire/air part that shows best on the Internet, which has long been a source of frustration for me. They’ve historically been unbearably separate but they’re starting to move closer together.  Anyway. 

Where I am good at practical stuff is the stuff where it’s literally as practical as it gets. I may not be able to take care of myself worth shit (like the fast approaching needing 24 hour care thing), but I can often take care of other people. This is all assuming I’m physically up to the task, which is a big if, because I’m also in bed close to 24/7 from a series of medical conditions including a muscle condition and near-constant migraines.  This makes it so that when I am available to do practical stuff, it’s in short spurts and then I collapse on myself and crawl back into bed, possibly vomiting first.  Literally by the end of whatever it is, I often end up lying on the floor for awhile before I can drag myself into my wheelchair and then need to be guided back into bed. 

Usually what I end up doing is helping another autistic gimp with stuff she can’t do at that moment (or ever at all) for whatever reason, that needs to be done Right Now.  This includes everything from crawling around on the floor searching for beads, to helping her clean up in the bathroom.  Basically in these situations she’s the brain and I’m the hands. 

Many of these things I can do on my own. But many I need to be guided through step by step because I can’t handle the cognitive half of the activity.  (It’s largely the cognitive half that keeps me unable to take care of myself as well.)  

I actually enjoy doing this stuff, too. Especially because I can’t talk while I’m doing it. I talk through a machine with my hands, so if I’m doing something with my hands I can’t talk. And this gives me a chance to interact with someone without having to use language. Despite my apparent skill at language it’s completely foreign to me and wipes out my brain to use and doesn’t feel right or natural. So when I’m helping someone practically I can spend time with them without having to use language at all. 

Sometimes in fact if I’m doing up her compression garments or something, I turn language comprehension off entirely. Which allows me to concentrate on the tone and flow and music of the words, which I’m far better at and far more relaxed doing than dealing with language comprehension, which is one of my worst skills.  So I just sit there wrapping straps around her legs and listening to entirely the musical end of her speech, and it’s as close to an ideal interaction as I can get with someone of such a different autism subtype than mine.  And when I do decide to listen to her actual words, she doesn’t mind if I talk entirely through gestures, and isn’t bad at deciphering them since she grew up talking more through gestures than through speech until she learned techniques to sound more articulate than she is. So it all works out in the end. 

And it’s in situations like that that I feel as close to “who I am” as I can get in interactions with people very unlike me:  Doing practical stuff for someone while completely immersed in the world without language.  Unfortunately there’s a limit to how much I can do that due to my physical limitations.  But it’s so much better than the Internet, or than any interaction where I have to sit there and decipher language while typing language of my own. One thing I hate about the Internet is the lack of opportunities to be myself in interactions with other people. It’s a realm I enter knowing I will feel detached and yucky from the sheer word-ness of it.

So I can do the very practical stuff.  Or I can do (despite pain and weirdness and discomfort) the language stuff. But language stuff about practical stuff?  Or anything that involves analyzing practical stuff with my mind and breaking it down?  There’s just no way, not consistently.  When I’m doing practical stuff, I don’t think, I just do.  In fact sometimes I need other people to do the thinking for me.  ;

But good luck on your project. And I’ll always be around if you live near enough and need someone to do something shortish (few hours max, possibly much less, depending on activity and day) and physical in a pinch.  As long as you don’t mind a big autistic lump potentially forming on your floor afterwards for a short time until my muscles work well enough to get myself out of there.