12:46am September 7, 2012

So today sucked. (Pneumonia.)

I slept a lot.

Every time I woke up my first thought was “Aw fuck, not this again.”

At one point while awake the most active thing I could possibly do (and it felt like activity) was listen to a staff person play the stick dulcimer for… I don’t know how long, felt like forever, until I fell asleep. (He offered. It sounded like a good idea. And it did take my mind off the fact that I felt so lousy I couldn’t do anything but sit there and be aware of feeling lousy and wish I was asleep.

I have a fever, but that’s kind of a given.

And my hands aren’t working right. The reason it’s hard to type isn’t the words. It’s the fact that I have to concentrate do hard to make my finger touch the right part of the screen. And it often veers off randomly and hits buttons. As well as many huge changes in speed and pressure when I’m hitting the right one. And the hand holding the iPod jumps out of the way randomly.

Chest hurts, especially if I breathe. Muscles hurt. Head hurts, especially if I cough. And there’s this bizarre sensation I can’t place, that is like feeling completely foul everywhere. And that one is the worst. Brain doesn’t work.

Coughing up mostly tan. Occasionally orange or reddish or obvious blood. Very occasionally green.

Weird-ass dreams. But that goes with the fever. And sleep isn’t remotely restful. I just wake up feeling as bad as when I started.

And I’m kind of concerned. Like what point do I need to seek medical help again. Like of course I went to the ER the moment I woke up aspirating. And now I’m home. And I know this is a particularly deadly form of pneumonia. I’ll see a doctor tomorrow. I just don’t know what to do or when to do it or how to tell when to do it when I am having so much trouble thinking.

I’m propped up in bed and everything like that because I discovered how lousy I feel lying flat or even on my side propped up a tiny bit. Hospital beds make this easy and I’m as comfortable as I can get. Beyond that I’m just taking antibiotics (and probiotics awhile later) and sleeping a lot.