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10:57pm October 22, 2012

I don’t need this.

People who don’t even know me well (and those who do, passing the information on) trying to tell me that the doctors did something wrong in not getting me on “real” food. Because “real” food is always superior to Ensure, even if it doesn’t contain the calorie or other nutritional content I need and I can’t fit much of it into my belly.

Okay hello here.

THE DOCTORS SPENT AGES TRYING TO GET MY BELLY TO ACCEPT FOOD. IT WON’T DO IT. ADMITTING THIS IS NOT ADMITTING DEFEAT. IT’S ADMITTING REALITY.

And there’s nothing wrong with living on Ensure or its variants, it was made for people with these exact sort of problems.

Hello people it’s not like doctors didn’t consider all the possibilities, and consider them to fucking death, before they started talking to me about feeding tubes and stuff, let alone just an Ensure diet, which is getting let off mild compared to a feeding tube.

I can’t even describe why it pisses me off that someone who doesn’t even know much about my situation (whether they know me well or not) thinks they can divine what my tolerance to regular food would be if I just fucking worked at it enough. No. There are no regular foods I can eat that have enough nutritional content to live on. Regular food, if I can eat it at all, is like a snack, or a treat, it’s not what I live on, and it’s not “better” than the liquid nutrition I’m living on now in anything but taste and variety.

I understand that patients often go through a period of denial. And so do people around us. But PLEASE DON’T EXPOSE ME TO YOUR DENIAL. It gets really aggravating.