12:52pm October 25, 2012

OMGWTFBBQ WTF WAS THAT?!

So I took forever to get to sleep. And had an elaborate but short dream that involved traveling around a foreign city dodging scary people who could take a little sphere out of my mouth and use it to stop my breathing. I was part of a team of four teenagers trying to accomplish something or other using this technology-magic hybrid stuff. But mostly I was getting lost, falling behind, vomiting, and extracting huge amounts of hair and seaweed from my throat. Add in people trying to do creepy medical experiments – and leaving me to die several times. And trying to convince the rest of my team that I was too slow and too weak for them to make use of. But they stuck by me and I survived until I woke up.

It lasted thirty minutes. I’m not rested. I didn’t use my bipap, as it was being cleaned, but since I didn’t throw up for real (on waking, I was sure I would have, but I hadn’t) I’m using the bipap now. (Using a bipap when you have any real genuine expectation of vomiting is suicide. They wouldn’t let me use it my entire time in the hospital.) This time I better damn well sleep. I mean I know the world doesn’t owe me sleep but right now it feels like it ought to owe me some nice, dreamless sleep and then waking up feeling half decent and rested.

Seriously WTF was that? That was unpleasant even for my dreams, which can get into incredible painful detail about all kinds of things that don’t exist in real life. And shouldn’t. But this took the cake for body horror. Maybe some twisted PTSD thing (I have had invasive procedures that felt a bit like some of this). IDK.

Going to try sleep again. Hope it’s better. Gah.