5:36am November 7, 2012

I’m still here.

What I’ve wanted to say all along more than anything else. Everything else is a detail already contained in it. Can’t say it at the times people most need to hear it. Couldn’t say it. Still can reduce me to sobbing for reasons too confusing to explain. I’ve talked about the experiences that led to it but can’t describe it.

And it doesn’t translate to English well. Or to the cultural thought patterns for lack of a better word.

I could just as easily say we’re still here. Because it applies to more than me.

I could say we still love. Or we still exist inside love? Or some other thing like that.

And all of it matters and is some of the only stuff that does matter.

But I can’t explain the screaming and crying and wailing that can accompany the thought or the experiences that make it so important. Already have tried and fear for a world where these things are hard for people to follow or understand the importance of.

I’m still here. I still matter. Which isn’t a single selfish statement but it means we all do. Especially those of us normally overlooked for mattering at this point in our lives for whatever reason.

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