6:03am December 1, 2012

Okay I thought this might happen.

Today, the earliest part of today, was like… how can I describe it? Sometimes even when I’m in a great deal of pain, I feel, to start with, relatively rested and fresh. So even though there’s a lot of pain, it doesn’t get to me on an emotional level as much as you’d think it would. Even though I spent almost all of today lying still and doing nothing, because I couldn’t do more than that.

Then I did a few things, which reduced the amount of energy I had. And then the pain was the same but added exhaustion into the mix and it changes everything.

And by now. I’m thoroughly exhausted. I’m extremely nauseated. And I still have all that pain, and more. And I no longer have that initial energy that lets me deal with it better.

Except, in a way, I still do have some. You don’t want to see what happens after several days of unrelenting intense pain, because every time I feel like I’ve run out of energy to handle it, I run out of even more, and things start getting really, really ugly.

I hope this doesn’t come to that point. I mean I’ve been in pain a lot, but it’s changed enough to… not have that relentless marathon-running feel to it. Yet. I hope it doesn’t go that direction. I feel bad enough now. Even after taking my latest round of nausea meds (plus extra Benadryl, which actually, surprisingly, is a decent add-on nausea med). Now I’m going to try sleep, and if that doesn’t help, argh.

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