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6:26am December 31, 2012

➸ felis corvus: It's weird...

feliscorvus:

Sometimes I wish I wanted kids. There are aspects of it that seem really cool. But the idea of being pregnant terrifies me. I have a family history of complications and health issues that would make pregnancy and labor dangerous, possibly life-threatening (not to mention emetophobia that would…

I feel the same way. I wish sometimes that I felt equipped either for pregnancy, childbirth, or child rearing, but I just can’t. And decided that a long time ago.

I have the same family history of complicated pregnancies. My mom almost died in childbirth along with her first child but doctors managed to save them. By the time I came around, I was a potentially life-threatening pregnancy and between that and the perceived consequences of oxygen loss on my first brother, they wanted my mom to abort me but she said no. And was bedridden for a good chunk of the pregnancy.

I’ve been told I wouldn’t survive a pregnancy for a whole bunch of my own reasons on top of the family history. I’m not afraid of producing a disabled child or anything (and think I’d be more equipped for helping such a child get through life in many ways). But I don’t think I could handle the stresses of childrearing either emotionally or physically, especially since I can easily get weak enough physically that added stress becomes life threatening.

So I don’t exactly regret not wanting to have children (biological or adopted), but sometimes I do wish I could. I think despite having clear preferences, I still have ideas about how I’d do things, and a bit of the biological drive to have kids.