8:37pm February 25, 2013

It scares me

That all it takes to put me in the hospital is a level of nausea and vomiting that most people handle at home and get at least once a year.

Going in there and getting my deep veins drilled into so they can pump ridiculous amounts of meds into me all day while I don’t eat at all for days, usually resulting in at least some delirium, is an unpleasant experience even though picc lines are a godsend.

And if I get a stomach pacemaker, at least the associated hospital stay might prevent other ones. As well as prevent feeding tubes.

Of course my friend tells me “then you’ll have a bionic gut to go with your bionic butt”. (I have a battery in my butt cheek attached to a device that helps me urinate by stimulating nerves to stop spasticity.) I swear disabled people are the real cyborgs.

I feel so bad at the hospital because its full of so much misery and suffering. I saw a delirious guy curled up at the bottom of a bed that looked like a soft cage. I understand he kept falling out and they had to do something but I’ve been that delirious and to be stuck in a cage for it is a nightmare.

I actually went down to the chapel and wrote a prayer request for all delirious people. I don’t normally do things like that but in that hospital you need all the help you can get. Plus the chapel was beautiful and peaceful and quiet. I found it once i was well enough to go exploring in my powerchair. They just wouldn’t let me leave the ward longer than an hour.

Everyone there was really nice and understanding with me though. A rare experience at hospitals.

I’m still completely exhausted despite sleeping all day. And Fey is still Velcro-kitty. I hate leaving her worst of all. Especially since its hard to know if she understands when people tell her “your human went to the vet and they kept her”.

My friend made me some wonderfully umami miso soup tonight. No solids because stomach still bad, but really yummy and actually settled my stomach.

Anyway better finish posting.

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