as small as a world and as large as alone

12:04am March 13, 2013

twocentsormore:

Sometimes I feel really shitty when I see other people my age who have full-time jobs or who held down full-time jobs while taking huge class loads even before they got a degree or whatever.

Sometimes it helps me to say “Making sense of my sensory input and structuring my activities around my cognitive skills, energy levels, and movement ability on a daily basis is a full-time job.  You try it without a lifetime of using my brain and see how well you do.”

I’ve basically realized something.

I have something like two dozen diagnoses.

At least half of them are things that each on their own would prevent me from work or being a stay at home mom or whatever else society expects of people my age and presumed gender.

And that’s each one. Individually. Like migraine prevents it just as much as autism just as much as gastroparesis and so on. And combined together its a clusterfuck of unemployability.

I’ve also independently thought up the thing of could they function in my body. I bet a lot of us do. It’s such a refreshing daydream sort of thing. To imagine it. They couldn’t even sit up, couldn’t talk, couldn’t get off the floor, and would think to call me lazy despite my expertise at using my body as well as I possibly can. Lacking that expertise, that thirty two years of experience, they just couldn’t adapt to my body that fast, especially since so much of it as so atypical.

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