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8:19am March 15, 2013
Self-portrait under quilt with bipap mask. :-) I love air. I love air. I love air. I once read a story where people were arguing about what tasted the best and then someone cut off their water supply and in the end they all agreed the answer was, “a drink of water when you are very, very thirsty”. I’d have to say the same for air pushed into your lungs when breathing is especially hard. Nothing compares, except that drink of water (whether by mouth or IV, if you’re dehydrated enough either one is just as good). Bipaps aren’t scary medical devices, they’re how you get air when you otherwise couldn’t, and that feels miraculous. People seem the most scared of the devices that let you do the most basic things — breathe, eat, drink — when you can’t do them the normal way. Some people would rather die than use the most simple and noninvasive of such devices. I will never understand, I love food, water, and oxygen and while it can be really hard to be faced with the choice of which feeding tube you might need in the future, at least it’s a choice that gives you a future. My bipap today is reminding me of that, it’s already saved my life on days when my lungs are weak, and I didn’t even have to go to the ER, my pulmonologist told me I did the right thing. (Another day when breathing has been a little hard even when awake and putting on the bipap feels exactly like drinking cool pure water. As I’ve said before, I’m not near a good enough poet to describe this feeling.)

Self-portrait under quilt with bipap mask. :-)

I love air. I love air. I love air.

I once read a story where people were arguing about what tasted the best and then someone cut off their water supply and in the end they all agreed the answer was, “a drink of water when you are very, very thirsty”.

I’d have to say the same for air pushed into your lungs when breathing is especially hard. Nothing compares, except that drink of water (whether by mouth or IV, if you’re dehydrated enough either one is just as good). Bipaps aren’t scary medical devices, they’re how you get air when you otherwise couldn’t, and that feels miraculous.

People seem the most scared of the devices that let you do the most basic things — breathe, eat, drink — when you can’t do them the normal way. Some people would rather die than use the most simple and noninvasive of such devices. I will never understand, I love food, water, and oxygen and while it can be really hard to be faced with the choice of which feeding tube you might need in the future, at least it’s a choice that gives you a future. My bipap today is reminding me of that, it’s already saved my life on days when my lungs are weak, and I didn’t even have to go to the ER, my pulmonologist told me I did the right thing.

(Another day when breathing has been a little hard even when awake and putting on the bipap feels exactly like drinking cool pure water. As I’ve said before, I’m not near a good enough poet to describe this feeling.)