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9:31am April 1, 2013

This is so damn confusing

And I feel bad for webmuskie. Like I know I’m not the cause of this but this whole thing has raised her blood pressure and made her puke and I can’t help feelings partially responsible even though I didn’t cause any of this.

What’s really confusing is the way they talk to me. They say things and I never know how to take them. Is what they say a change in the plan, or a difference in wording? And when I’m this sick and tired and everything it all becomes a jumble of words and I can’t adequately report things to webmuskie and then things get weird.

She’s talked to patient relations and they’re apparently going to try to teach the doctors how to communicate clearly, or something. I hope they actually mean to communicate clearly. It’s all really … Oh no I know what’s happening. Part of this is the cognitive dysfunction I always get in hospitals. I just realized because everything was starting to go all white in my head. That’s really bad. I need to find ways to keep my brain active other than trying to pick apart the words of doctors to determine what the fuck is actually happening.