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12:45pm April 9, 2013

hey-pissant:

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I just got a GJ tube. And the hospitalization has been hell in all sorts of ways that I don’t like. But the ability to feed and medicate through the j tube and vent stomach contents from the g tube is a godsend. I can’t go into how everything at the hospital went wrong in ways it shouldn’t have. But aside from that and the pain (partly the result of not getting proper anesthesia, plus a physical therapist from hell) the tube itself is doing great. I don’t regret it at all.

But I know what you mean about that point when it becomes real to you. For me that happened when I couldn’t even keep down the radioactive eggs they used to diagnose me. And then spent a week in the hospital just getting the nausea under control. That showed me I couldn’t pretend it was just this random thing without much reality or consequences to it. I had to just feel that for awhile.