11:44pm April 11, 2013

I want to write something.

And writing it would be one of the most important writings I could contribute to autistic advocacy in the past several years.

It’s very important. And I’m in a fairly unique position to write it.

And I’m in too much pain. And my brain is fuzzy from all the medication I’m getting. And I can’t stay awake through a sentence.

And even if none of those were true, I’d have a hell of a time even beginning to write it.

But writing it is very important to me. It deals in life and death stuff, and often stuff that people either aren’t quite looking at in that way, or they’re looking at it sort of in that way but they lack the huge clump of life experiences I have to bring to the conversation. Ones that, if I could just access the memories properly, would result in a whole lot of detail that isn’t there when other people fret rightly about the same issues. And I still haven’t seen another person put it all together in the way I would, although who knows what is happening unspoken in people’s heads who can’t write the damn thing either.

This is another reminder to self that when I’m better, I can maybe try again to write this. Maybe with help. I swear it’s very important and I can’t let myself put it off forever. If recent events have taught me anything it’s that there is no forever to wait. And some things need to be said.

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