6:46am April 22, 2013

Feel weird.

I’m scared of something, but I’m not going to describe it. Not right now anyway. All I can say is I feel really vulnerable. And like there are things about the world I just don’t understand, and am not sure what to do with. But that at the same time, looking this in the eye is somehow meaningful, even if I don’t know quite what this is. Like somehow a curtain has been drawn back and I see things I never expected to see.

And yet the real curtain (more like a sheet) over my real window is closed, and at the same time I feel like it’s wide open and exposing more of me than I expect. And I feel so very strange. The world seems strange. I seem strange. Other people seem strange. Like I never imagined seeing things certain ways before, but they make some sort of sense, but I don’t know what on earth to do with them.

I’m looking around me and nothing looks the same. Nothing looks familiar. I don’t understand. There’s a lot I don’t understand, I guess. But sometimes things hit me out of nowhere and I wonder how the world can really work like this. I literally feel like the room I’m sitting in has been somehow replaced with one that looks just the same but feels entirely different.

I don’t know what’s going on. There’s too many things I don’t understand. I feel like a lot more has happened than actually has, in a very short amount of time. Like everything has changed, except I am probably the only thing changing that much. I sort of feel like huddling together and not doing much of anything. Because I don’t know what to do.

But I sort of do know what to do. Not what direction to go in, exactly, but what to do in order to figure it out.

So going to go do that now.

I know this was cryptic, but I don’t dare describe things in more detail until I understand more myself.

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