11:10am May 4, 2013

Why is it that when people complain about Prednisone, they always complain about the weight gain and the way it makes your face look?

Because I feel like the way it makes me FEEL is the worst part, and I know I can’t be alone.

I would rather take just about any mind-altering substance, even ones I hate, legal or illegal, than take Prednisone. Because most drugs work on the neurotransmitters. Prednisone affects every single hormone in your body. You can feel things working when they act on neurotransmitters. You feel like something odd is going on. With Prednisone, no matter what is happening to you, it feels totally normal, because hormones are far more basic and fundamental to who you are.

My first day on Prednisone my friend called me. Her mother was dying and she wanted to talk to me about it. I have no idea what we discussed though. Or what she said. Because all I knew was this voice was coming out of the speaker phone. And I thought my computer speakers were actually small palm trees, and I had to aim them at the phone. And I kept moving aimlessly through Second Life, and every time I saw hot pink I heard this horrible noise. And it turned out after awhile I saw I was making the noise. I don’t know how I picked up or set down the phone, no memory of it and had no idea why a voice was coming from nowhere.

When it wasn’t causing bizarre hallucinations, it was altering my personality and mental state in other ways. I know I experienced some kind of pseudo-mania a few times. Other times I became so impulsive it was dangerous. One time I got mad so I got up and walked out. While in a moving car. I hit the ground and just kept going. I walked until I collapsed from exhaustion. Which wasn’t far, although I walked better back then than now. I also smashed a telephone.

But nobody except close friends cared if my personality or my emotions were affected, no matter how bad it got. All anyone cared about was increased appetite and the presumed weight gain they thought would follow but rarely did. And that’s all I hear anyone talk about when they complain about Prednisone. Even though the mental and emotional side effects, which are common, are far more disruptive to your life. It’s like people worry so much about looking fat, they don’t care if they’re hallucinating or manic or dangerously impulsive or their personality changes? Because I know those are very common side effects, including in people who have no predisposition to them.

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