2:32pm May 24, 2013

I have no memory of yesterday at all.

The last thing I remember is a dream about having to carry Fey a long distance, outside, and her getting away, and having to catch her again. And then taking her into a building my parents were in. And flying around a bit.

And when I fly in dreams, sometimes I wonder if it’s real. It seems too weird to be real. And yet often the dream seems so realistic that I think “This time, this time it’s true. This time I can really fly just by thinking about it. Everything is too real for it not to be true this time.” And then I wake up, usually confused and disoriented.

And that’s how I woke up this morning, after flying around thinking it was real this time. And I woke up into a really nasty feeling in my chest.

So after I’d wiped all the condensation and spit out of my bipap mask, I spent hours and hours coughing up the crud that accumulated in my chest overnight. Because this is the first night that I got a normal amount of sleep, since the night I aspirated. And so all that time, phlegm was accumulating in my lungs. And it was ugly once I woke up.

I no longer feel like I’m drowning in phlegm, but I still feel pretty awful. Despite the fact that I think the antibiotics are starting to kick in and things are starting to get better. I just feel like I can’t get everything out of my chest.

And I can’t remember anything at all from before that dream. Like I remember how long I slept, but nothing else. And now, as long as I stay on oxygen, I seem to be okay, although I go back to feeling pretty terrible if I forget to put my oxygen on.

And I ordered some clothes from eBay.

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