4:21am June 12, 2013

Everything is going wonky.

The world is liquid. My head feels like that day my first day on Prednisone ever. That sense I am inside candy colored plastic.

I get afraid sometimes.

And exhausted. So exhausted I can’t keep my eyes open.

I feel driven to do things yet tired too tired.

Something is wrong but I don’t know major or minor.

Well hypoxia is one part. let’s see what happens if I put my oxygen on. That may help. My o2 level jumped from bad to perfect so that’s something.

When I was on Prednisone that first time it was shortly before part of my lung collapsed. So maybe I associate Pred feelings with hypoxia feelings.

I still feel lousy though. And my mind wanders. I feel like I am walking through cobblestone streets with light brown stucco buildings and wrought iron gates and windows.

Even with oxygen, my eyes keep closing and closing and it’s difficult. my finger presses random letters. I can’t make things make sense.
Really concerned about oversedation. Not sure how I would’ve managed it though. Unless I took my butt pills twice or something. I just feel wrong all over. My oxygen is good still but something else very much isn’t good. I should take my next butt pills late if at all.

Strange thing has been happening lately though. when I drift off to sleep. It only happens during microsleeps. I bite my tongue really hard. enough to leave marks. But I don’t seem to do it when I’m sleeping for real.

I guess I’d better get ready for real sleep now. If I don’t do that I will end up with nasty oxygen deprivation headaches.

But I’m worried for some reason that if I put on the bipap, something awful will happen. Like aspiration. Since I’m producing tons of bile for the first time since the hospital. Or something equally awful. I hope I’m wrong. I worry about the feeding tube too, as it has been acting up.

Oh and please don’t send me tons of speculation about what’s wrong medically right now, unless you’re feliscorvus who knows how to do it uninvasively. Sometimes I just want to describe what’s going on without getting technical.