as small as a world and as large as alone

10:44am June 19, 2013

cfconfessions:

“I really hope that when I die people that never talked to me/I didn’t care about suddenly decides to become my best friend and talk about how great I was. I mean, where the fuck where you when I was alive?! Asshole.”

-Anonymous

OMG same here. I once went on an entire rant about this because I kept watching people I knew really well turned into saints that everyone loved, after their death. Felt like an insult to their memory, the real person disappears in all the made up stories about the person.

(I don’t have CF, and my health condition is precarious rather than terminal. As in it’s such that I could die tomorrow of a gastroparesis aspiration and subsequent lung infection made worse by bronchiectasis and everything, or live for decades, and there’s literally no telling which one will happen. So I’ve had to come to terms with the possibility of my own death happening at any random time with no warning, or else not happening for a long time just as randomly, hence having thought about this stuff without having a condition known yet to be terminal. It’s a difference from having no disease that could kill you, but also different from having a disease that you know will kill you.)

Other stuff I’d personally not want people saying about me after I’m dead:

“She’s better off now.”

“Her struggle is over.”

“At least she’s finally at peace.”

Any of those and I’ll rise from the grave and clobber people over the head. Yeah I suffer, but that’s a sign that I’m still alive and kicking.

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