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11:11am July 16, 2013

henleyyreeves:

I am fucking sick of people telling me I should be so happy for losing so much weight so easily.
Fuck them. I’m seriously underweight. My doctor mentioned the words ‘feeding tube’ the other day. There is not a thing happy about this.

I hate when people say it’s good that I’m losing weight too. I’m fat, so nowhere near underweight yet, but it’s still seriously unhealthy for me to lose weight due to gastroparesis, and they tell me to try to maintain weight rather than lose it. (Losing it this way can burn muscle including heart muscle.)

I have a feeding tube and once I got used to it and the pain went away, I actually really like it.

Because one tube, the j tube, bypassed my stomach, I can take food and meds with much less nausea.

The other tube, the g tube, I can LITERALLY DRAIN FLUID AND AIR whenever my stomach gets full and bloated. Which feels amazing.

And at the end, eating was so horrible that even with pain and complications, getting a GJ tube was nothing but relief. I won’t deny there’s an adjustment period both physically and mentally. But it’s saved my life, and it’s so much better than eating felt, that I can’t hate it as much as I expected.

(Of course I did all my mourning about food last fall when they switched me to a pure Ensure diet. So by this spring when I got my GJ tube, there was little left to mourn. And it’s made everything easier and more efficient. At least after I got over the initial pain and diarrhea.)