12:41pm July 18, 2013

➸ Urocyon's Jaunts: What I mean about confusing sexuality categories, part 2.

[snip]

So that’s why my sexual orientation was so confusing to me for awhile. There was what was going on inside me sexually, and what the world wanted me to be, and I had a really hard time telling those things apart for awhile, especially given language, cognitive, and…

Oh yes the open jokes about attractiveness.

Many of my bullies masquerading as friends referred to me as “Karl’s troll”.

And Karl kept saying he thought I was beautiful “no matter what anyone said”.

I was hairy with a unibrow, bad hygiene, unshaven legs and pits, and no bra. These were all used against me. Plus the way I moved and talked and a reputation as a drug user that began before I ever used drugs and attributed autistic traits to drug use, and always exceeded my actual drug use.

Also I dressed in an odd way and basically wore stim toys as jewelry.
But yeah people openly referred to me as a troll. In high school also “Aztec goddess of death”, no clue where that came from.

People said the only reason they put up with me at all was I “came with” Karl. There was a much more popular couple where the girl also had “problems”. Everyone worried about her, asked how she was doing. Everyone OTOH just expected me to be messed up and unhappy and didn’t really care what happened to me.

Notes: