7:04pm July 21, 2013

“
We come to the table as victims, we sit at the table as victims, and then we wonder why we have no power. It doesn’t matter whether I chose to be this way or not — what matters is that, by virtue of being a human being, I deserve the same rights as everyone else.
”

—

Matt Kailey, “It’s Time to Lose the ‘I Didn’t Choose’” (via neutrois)

Every time I see someone touting “Born This Way" I cringe…

(via apheline)

Youneedacat starts here:

I understand why the idea of being born this way became so important when it did. But like all things that become important in part because they’re good persuasive tools towards prejudiced people, it at best misses some really important things about how the world actually works, and at worst causes as many problems as it solves.

And what I really hate about the born this way thing, is it assumes sexual orientation is fixed, among other things. And from that comes assumptions like “anyone who chooses their sexual orientation is really bi, because only bi people have the capacity to change like that” and “people who were straight part of their life and choose to become lesbian aren’t real lesbians or aren’t as lesbian as people who were always lesbians”.

(Although I notice lesbians seem far more receptive to the idea of not being born like this than gay men are? Not sure why?)

Personally I suspect I was born like this, because my attraction towards women (and sometimes non binary people) has been a constant even when I was assuming myself to be straight and dating a guy.

But I don’t think that’s the only way to be a lesbian. Not that it makes me better than people who really were straight and changed, either by choice or through some sort of innate, involuntary process. Or people who switch between orientations frequently. And all of those things are things.

That’s the other thing. Not born this way doesn’t mean it’s a choice. It is a choice for some people. But other people were born one orientation and change to another for reasons beyond their control, ones nobody even understands because all the research is going into things like genetics and prenatal hormones.

Although apparently some of my family once told each other that with the way men have treated me, they’re not surprised I’m a lesbian? Which I find pretty irritating as an assumption, even though I think it’s a legitimate reason for anyone where that really is their reason. It’s just that I was a lesbian before I was hurt by men, and I’ve never held my abuse against men in general or even contemplated doing so. Plus I know lesbians who were hurt by women. Hell, I’ve been sexually abused by women caregivers. So by those standards I’d have to avoid women too.

But anyway. Born this way is only one of many reasons for sexual orientation. There are many others. Of which choice is only one, as well.

Sexuality is complicated. Simplifying it to fit people’s prejudices about what is an acceptable reason…it works, sort of, but it creates big gaping holes.

Notes: