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10:32am July 23, 2013

➸ LOOK, LILITH, EVERYTHING THE LIGHT TOUCHES ―: I’m still affected by the brain damage, but the remaining affect I...

mosaicofminds:

baroness-cuteella:

I’m still affected by the brain damage, but the remaining affect I liken to a neurological version of a compromised immune system. I’m more suspect to spacy moments and hallucinations like a compromised immune system is more suspect to colds and flu. It’s not something that affects my functioning…

I’m glad it worked out so well for you.  (Love the immune system analogy, by the way.  That’s such an amazing way of explaining why many days one functions really well and other days, when there’s just one too many pressures, one just can’t…at all).  

Mono can damage your brain? Pretty scary stuff. Thanks for the warning; I’ll definitely take precautions against it.

Anything causing delirium can also damage your brain in ways that leave you prone to more of it. I first (that I know of?) became delirious during a terrible intestinal blockage. And over the years I’ve only become more and more prone to it from illness or hospitalization. Whether it’s the kind involving hallucinations, or the kind where bigger and bigger chunks of my mind disappear, it’s not pleasant, ever.

And hospital people never notice it until it affects their job. (Like rare instances where I experience active delirium, which is actually the least dangerous kind. Also the time I developed paranoid delusions, after hallucinating for weeks without being noticed because I’d just lie there and drift away into bizarre hallucination land. Which happens to be the most dangerous kind, but the hardest to detect.)

And it turns out that delirium is a kind of brain damage, that leads to being more prone to delirium. It’s also correlated with worse outcomes and more deaths. It can be reduced, but most hospitals don’t do what it takes.

I was reminded of that by the thing about being more prone to these problems including hallucinations. Because that’s exactly the aftermath of delirium-type brain damage too. I was delirious for over five weeks last year and my cognitive skills have never quite recovered. My friend was actually glad they released me from the hospital earlier than they should have, because she was afraid if I stayed in much longer the delirium would continue so long I’d never come out of it.

But getting out didn’t just happen. Had to relearn everything including reading. Like I couldn’t read books anymore. I had to start with books for young children and work upward. It was really hard. But it really helped. I basically had to design my own rehab. Nobody gonna do it for me.