8:52pm July 25, 2013

“

In Hawaii, I grew up hapa haole, of mixed race. But in England and in Colorado, the identity hapa was taken from me; I was labeled white, rather than being categorized as other, like many of my darker-skinned friends…How has my racial identity shifted? It wasn’t a change from the inside, but rather from the outside. It is based upon other people’s assumptions, differing in each of the places I have lived…

Justin, my husband, had been working in England for about two years…But for him this feeling has come from inside — the feeling of being an observer, an outsider — a person who has adapted to living in many different countries. It is an altogether different experience when this feeling of being an outsider is imposed on you from the outside…

“Oh, yes…I am. Thank you,” I replied, uncertain as to why I had become unaccountably shy and withdrawn since I had come to England — a 180 degree turn from my usual personality.

Suddenly, I heard the words, “…Japanese…yes, my wife is part Asian.” Justin said this proudly, holding my hand. I noticed the mother’s shoulders stiffen. Her son said nothing until we arrived at the house.

For the rest of the evening the estate agent’s mother refused to speak with me, avoided my gaze. Her son eyed me strangely from under his bushy eyebrows.

At the time I racked my brain to discover what I might have said or done to offend them. Later, I realized it was nothing I had done, but simply who I was.

”

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