10:56am July 27, 2013

➸ Bulletproof Fabulous: Beware: “You Shouldn’t Fight Fire with Fire”

Stay clear of anyone who uses this phrase. This statement is always used against the person defending themselves and never the bully. This is a classic victim blaming phrase used by abusers. With just a small amount of critical thought, one can see that in order to fight…

Um. No. I don’t stand by any system of thought where of you use a phrase you are an abuser. Things are rarely that absolute.

There are times when fighting fire with fire is absolutely necessary. There are times when it creates more problems than it solves. It’s perfectly okay to use a somewhat cliché expression to say so in those instances.

It CAN be abusive to say it. I totally agree with that. But “if you use this phrase you are an abuser”? No. Not okay. It’s always okay to think about whether fighting back in a certain manner is the best course of action. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It is always okay to decide it isn’t, and use this phrase.

And I’m saying this in regard to abusive situations in my past. Whether it was worth fighting back, and what kind of fighting was necessary, depended very highly on the situation. And advice from friends as to what route to take was absolutely necessary. Telling people they’re abusers if they ever ever give this advice under any circumstances… I’d probably be institutionalized by now if I never took that advice.

Sometimes OTOH the advice was “definitely fight fire with fire”, which was a different set of circumstances.

In all circumstances I fought back, but it’s the kind of fighting back that was under question. And that’s fine. Tell my friends they can’t advise me on that and you’re taking valuable information about how to survive, away from me. So thanks but no thanks.

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